In my opinion there is a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely. Do you beg to differ? Then maybe you're not seeing aloneness as an opportunity. The time in-between being a social diva to be creative in your own space...be alone with your thoughts and reinvent your goals, tweak your outlook and re-adjust your attitude. I like to call it "Tiffany Time" for those who know me.
Moving to a city where I didn't know a single soul has gifted me many quiet moments. However, at first, I caught myself losing that gift by filling every moment with visitors, travel, or phone conversations. Partly in order to not let my close friends and family feel like this would change our relationship, and also still being so close to MN, everyone wanted to come to visit. It was a cursed blessing in a way because I need to give myself a "time out" here and there. Now that things have relaxed a bit, I've been reminded to be present to spending time by myself. Perhaps it's because I'm reading a book with that very focus. Or maybe it's because I haven't had much alone time with my schedule until now. I'm guilty as I know many of you are, that I tend to book myself crazy and although I thrive on the work I do, multitasking and social outings, I need myTiffany Time too--to regroup, refresh, and refocus.
One of the books I'm reading right now was given to me from my cousin. Its purpose is to assure me that my decisions are sound and I'm OK with my independence. I've been repeatedly reassured from the first 4 chapters, I already am in the place I want to be! I have changed tremendously as a woman in the past 4 years becoming a very independent person. My experience in the public position of Miss Minnesota started much of it by teaching me so many things that some people never have the chance to learn in lifetime, I'm incredibly grateful for that experience. Also, I am a firm believer that EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO LIVE ALONE AT SOME POINT IN HER LIFE BEFORE GETTING MARRIED - and through my own experience with that I've owned myself in a new way. I've learned who I really am.....quietly..... when no one is watching...when I'm not focused on a relationship-- when I'm simply, alone. Best of all, I've learned to love that person and be OK with not needing someone to take care of me. I can fix things, hang pictures, and do handy work without my brothers or guy friends to help! Once you've learned those things, discovered you're OK with yourself, it's then you define who you can be with another person.
Here is a quote from the book I'm reading that might inspire you to take some time for yourself before the summer gets crazy. Time to hear your own thoughts, listen to your heart, take in the beauty of the Lake and be present to your place in life. Perhaps its just taking a moment to realize how blessed you are to have all you have when so many out there have so little. Enjoy.......
"Aloneness is an opportunity, a state brimming with potentiality, with resources for renewed life-not a life sentence. Its cultivation should not be an apology but an art. In the space of aloneness--and perhaps only there - a woman is free to admit and act on her own desires. It is where we have the opportunity to discover that we are 'not a half' but a sovereign whole. With that insight, we can then begin to discard the remnant of 'thingness'--the spoiling belief that gives rise to our timidity, insecurity, and fear---so that we can realize true autonomy, with or without a partner." --- Florence FALK, ON MY OWN
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tiffany Time - Being Alone not being Lonely
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
My Closets Don't Judge Me!
I tend to compartmentalize most things in my life -so I'm told. I think it allows me to enjoy many different things in life..types of people, events, music, hobbies etc.. Some think it's bad...however, when it comes to closets, they LOVE my compartmentalizing habits!
To say this only happened after moving, would be a lie. It has helped, because I was forced to get rid of old items, however, this is something I cannot deny is in my inherent nature. I love to color code, make lists, put in compartments, shelves, organize by sleeve length, hanging holders, create creative nooks - and don't even get me started on office supplies and organizers! I've had what's affectionately referred to as the "Accessory Closet" (a makeshift closet which is a corner with a curtain to cover) for a couple years. In my old place it was the front closet, in my new place, it has it's own purpose in my bedroom. It holds belts, shoes, purses, scarves and hats only...it's beautiful.
Some think compartmentalizing isn't a good thing. It can keep you emotionally unattached to things. However, when it comes to my closets, I never get judged. So compartmentalize away, I say.....here is a snippet of what the Accessory closet is, it's glorious to me, enjoy!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Pop Can
I left a soda can on my kitchen counter this morning. I'm eating an early lunch and realizing it would be really good with that cranberry spritzer on my counter. I've actually left a can on my car roof before only to hear it tumble off a half block away. I once chased 6 blocks after someone in traffic because they had dropped their shoes off the top of their car to track them down and give it back to them. SHOES?? Isn't it illegal to drive barefoot people?!
The bigger point is that I'm so often surprised about how we can forget things and never feel remorse...until....WE REMEMBER! Think about it - the only things you feel bad about losing are the things you have memories of having. It got me thinking...even with something as menial as a can of soda - now that I thought of it, I really want it - now that I realize and remember losing it. Not only that, but I'd like it the way it was when I left it there...cold, sweating a little because it's brand new out of the fridge. Isn't that the way most things we miss are? Whether it's people, jobs, pets, relationships....We wish we could have them they way they WERE, the way they used to be when we had them?
The truth is that this mentality and reliving memories, not noticing things have changed, can keep us living in the past...always comparing and never really experiencing the present. Don't get me wrong - after losing my father at a young age, I am a huge believer in keeping memories of loved ones alive, but overkill can keep us from moving on.
My cousin Sean visited this weekend and reminiscing about growing up we talked about the fact I've always been so upset with myself for having such a bad memory. I often have people tell me stories of things that happened in my past while growing up - in high school - in college - at work - at events - YESTERDAY...and I have no recollection of them whatsoever! How horrible that they are able to relive more moments in my life than me?!!
Then I realized...wait a second....Maybe I'm lucky!? I have a poor memory and perhaps that allows me to live in the present more than people who have a ridiculously articulate memories? Moving and trying new things, being present and spontaneous all are fun because I simple don't always remember things prior in too much detail, as silly as that sounds. It's always a conscious effort to live in the here and now - but having a bad memory sure helps! To-do lists should be a thing of the past - if you forget, GREAT - you have more time to do other in-the-moment things, right!?
Well, maybe. I do love my to-do lists...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
GET OFF THE AXIOM!: Auto-pilot Rehab
I've been so UNinspired lately it's almost comical. Today after my coffee, which generally makes me motivated to accomplish a superhuman number of tasks, I almost fell asleep. I thought what better than to perk me up than to hit the gym...I didn't even have the energy to adjust the bike to the right place so for a good 5 minutes I biked with my knees to my chin and by 10 minutes the bike had won and I was gasping for mercy! What is happening to me?
Being so UNinspired today and thinking about it caused me to think that maybe what I'm really inspired by is people. And I'm not in a job where I'm surrounded by them right now. See...I even said "them" as if I don't know who "people" are anymore. I need PEOPLE! Help, I need a crowd ....fast! WAIT? Maybe it's not people I need...it's the way we live avoiding "them" I just need to stop? Am I a human avoider?
Have you noticed we are becoming very much like the AXIOM in Wall-E? We are commercially driven auto-pilot robots sucked into our cell phones, and computers and daily routines without really "seeing" what's going on around us! If you haven't watched the Disney movie, you should. It's a sweet love story yes, but what I took out of it is the mindlessness of todays society and what a scary reality it is, not in the future, but NOW!
Let's start with phone conversations -OK - I admit, I've been accused on the phone of not paying attention. My blame goes on hating talking on the phone and having to get things done while I'm "listening". I'm guilty of "uh-huh'ing" my way through parts of conversations, and I finally realized this for myself when I first used Skype -phone with a tv screen online. The conversation was SO different....I had to truly just pay attention -sit down, turn the tv off, put my magazine to the side, no internet, and just talk on the "phone" because he would bust me if I wasn't! It made me realize how much I usually do when I'm on the phone instead of just listening.
Maybe you're not quilty of that ---well, How often have you driven 20 miles and realized you have no recollection of the trip? Happens to me ALL THE TIME. Is it societal auto-pilot? A sort of multi-tasking mania? At moments I'm doing all of this at once: listening to a song, singing in my head or out loud, eating food, texting (oops, I admitted it) or talking on the phone, sometimes looking at my planner if it's a business call--OR just spacing out. I couldn't tell you exactly what I passed during those 20 miles or where the heck I was if I didn't drive those roads everyday. Much less - I don't even know what happened while I was driving yet I made all the right turns and was still going to the right place...on auto-pilot! SCARY!
Not only that, but I'm a HORRIBLE nail biter and when I took off fake nails the other day I stared into space biting those deliciously tender bits of awesomeness for nearly 4 hours straight without blinking!
Even worse - I find myself walking into stores involved on my cell phone - head down and avoiding eye contact so to not interupt my call by someone "interacting" with me, taking calls at the checkout, and involved in texting and internet at caribou rather than noticing anyone around me and just having a cup of Joe.
The elevator is the worst, I don't even attempt to make eye contact or say hello anymore...I'm mentally checking off what I'm doing next in my head and staring at the little light up numbers like they show in awkward tv moments! What happened to me? Someone once told me the sole reason they tracked me down to get to know each other was because of how I greeted them when they walked into an elevator. Help?!! What have I become?! I NEED A SUPPORT GROUP.....AUTO-PILOT REHAB! Do you know what I'm talking about?
I've been noticing it more and more. I think I'm getting so much done, but really I'm paying attention to nothing and checking it off a list that probably doesn't really matter.
Recently, with a few days off I've had a chance to just be...relinquish my soul to helping my mom move, relaxing, hanging out, and even playing BINGO, and not be on my phone or computer. I've watched tv, movies, and even just sat and talked with real live, gulp, "people".
Just being present to the stillness has made me realize how I zone out ALL the time to the beauty and people around me. All under the guise of getting things done.
Since noticing this I've recently been inspired so many times! I used to pride myself on my cursed blessing that people just "talked" to me...now I know why, it's simply that I invited them to.
I've said hello to people walking into stores and sang like I was in the shower everywhere I walk. It's been nice...in fact one of our maintenence men said the other day, "You are so happy..always singing, just like one of our guys who's always whistling, it's refreshing"...and conversation ensued. Huh? I'd never talked to him before more than a "hi" even though I see him every day. He was nice.
I went to church on Ash Wednesday and I saw the man who bags my groceries handing out bulletins. He is developmentally challenged and has a very unique voice that I suddenly recognized. Not because he said hello (even though he did)..but because as I was looking for a seat I heard his unmistakeable vocals singing every word of the choirs music. Music I have never heard and music that wasn't a communal song.... yet he knew every word.
Screw the song - Why had I never taken such notice of him before, he was so kind? This really beautiful moment slapped me in the face and I noticed someone who I usually just say "paper" to with a non-interactive smile as I'm digging in my purse getting my Visa. He became an inspiration to me. He woke me out of my 'Axiom-like trance' to what life was about...I realized inspiration comes from 3 simple things; paying attention, giving back, and living your gifts.
I realized it's not that I'm not "doing" those things--what I realized was I'm not being fully present all the time and too often I'm checking things off of my list and not PAYING ATTENTION! I check off my list to volunteer once a month, I check off my list to do something towards my career each week...but they aren't really present activities. They are checkmarks. My whole life is a list of To do's....
I LOVE TO DO LISTS! People who know me best, will tell you mine are ridiculous, and often times when I'm ordering out my day you'll see "eat" and "shower" on that checklist. Obscene I know.
Can I say it? No more random checklists...no more auto-pilot. I'm putting myself through rehab for list makers and the electronically obsessed. Truth be told, I'll never give up my planner or To-Do lists, but I might just stop during that list to smell the laundry...once it's clean of course.
I've been bored, and unispired, because I simply haven't noticed anything, and everyONE that could change my day. Maybe you're on auto-pilot too - even worse if you feel that way on the job - that's where you spend most of your time and should feel alive!
Who are you ignoring? Your soulmate? Someone you can learn from? A person who needs a smile? If you want to know, perhaps a good start is to just pay attention and start to look at someone in the elevator, smile at the person you pass going in the store, or simply notice and say hi to the person bagging your groceries.
As for lists...Sometimes we miss the light in life when we're spending too much time with a highlighter.
Being so UNinspired today and thinking about it caused me to think that maybe what I'm really inspired by is people. And I'm not in a job where I'm surrounded by them right now. See...I even said "them" as if I don't know who "people" are anymore. I need PEOPLE! Help, I need a crowd ....fast! WAIT? Maybe it's not people I need...it's the way we live avoiding "them" I just need to stop? Am I a human avoider?
Have you noticed we are becoming very much like the AXIOM in Wall-E? We are commercially driven auto-pilot robots sucked into our cell phones, and computers and daily routines without really "seeing" what's going on around us! If you haven't watched the Disney movie, you should. It's a sweet love story yes, but what I took out of it is the mindlessness of todays society and what a scary reality it is, not in the future, but NOW!
Let's start with phone conversations -OK - I admit, I've been accused on the phone of not paying attention. My blame goes on hating talking on the phone and having to get things done while I'm "listening". I'm guilty of "uh-huh'ing" my way through parts of conversations, and I finally realized this for myself when I first used Skype -phone with a tv screen online. The conversation was SO different....I had to truly just pay attention -sit down, turn the tv off, put my magazine to the side, no internet, and just talk on the "phone" because he would bust me if I wasn't! It made me realize how much I usually do when I'm on the phone instead of just listening.
Maybe you're not quilty of that ---well, How often have you driven 20 miles and realized you have no recollection of the trip? Happens to me ALL THE TIME. Is it societal auto-pilot? A sort of multi-tasking mania? At moments I'm doing all of this at once: listening to a song, singing in my head or out loud, eating food, texting (oops, I admitted it) or talking on the phone, sometimes looking at my planner if it's a business call--OR just spacing out. I couldn't tell you exactly what I passed during those 20 miles or where the heck I was if I didn't drive those roads everyday. Much less - I don't even know what happened while I was driving yet I made all the right turns and was still going to the right place...on auto-pilot! SCARY!
Not only that, but I'm a HORRIBLE nail biter and when I took off fake nails the other day I stared into space biting those deliciously tender bits of awesomeness for nearly 4 hours straight without blinking!
Even worse - I find myself walking into stores involved on my cell phone - head down and avoiding eye contact so to not interupt my call by someone "interacting" with me, taking calls at the checkout, and involved in texting and internet at caribou rather than noticing anyone around me and just having a cup of Joe.
The elevator is the worst, I don't even attempt to make eye contact or say hello anymore...I'm mentally checking off what I'm doing next in my head and staring at the little light up numbers like they show in awkward tv moments! What happened to me? Someone once told me the sole reason they tracked me down to get to know each other was because of how I greeted them when they walked into an elevator. Help?!! What have I become?! I NEED A SUPPORT GROUP.....AUTO-PILOT REHAB! Do you know what I'm talking about?
I've been noticing it more and more. I think I'm getting so much done, but really I'm paying attention to nothing and checking it off a list that probably doesn't really matter.
Recently, with a few days off I've had a chance to just be...relinquish my soul to helping my mom move, relaxing, hanging out, and even playing BINGO, and not be on my phone or computer. I've watched tv, movies, and even just sat and talked with real live, gulp, "people".
Just being present to the stillness has made me realize how I zone out ALL the time to the beauty and people around me. All under the guise of getting things done.
Since noticing this I've recently been inspired so many times! I used to pride myself on my cursed blessing that people just "talked" to me...now I know why, it's simply that I invited them to.
I've said hello to people walking into stores and sang like I was in the shower everywhere I walk. It's been nice...in fact one of our maintenence men said the other day, "You are so happy..always singing, just like one of our guys who's always whistling, it's refreshing"...and conversation ensued. Huh? I'd never talked to him before more than a "hi" even though I see him every day. He was nice.
I went to church on Ash Wednesday and I saw the man who bags my groceries handing out bulletins. He is developmentally challenged and has a very unique voice that I suddenly recognized. Not because he said hello (even though he did)..but because as I was looking for a seat I heard his unmistakeable vocals singing every word of the choirs music. Music I have never heard and music that wasn't a communal song.... yet he knew every word.
Screw the song - Why had I never taken such notice of him before, he was so kind? This really beautiful moment slapped me in the face and I noticed someone who I usually just say "paper" to with a non-interactive smile as I'm digging in my purse getting my Visa. He became an inspiration to me. He woke me out of my 'Axiom-like trance' to what life was about...I realized inspiration comes from 3 simple things; paying attention, giving back, and living your gifts.
I realized it's not that I'm not "doing" those things--what I realized was I'm not being fully present all the time and too often I'm checking things off of my list and not PAYING ATTENTION! I check off my list to volunteer once a month, I check off my list to do something towards my career each week...but they aren't really present activities. They are checkmarks. My whole life is a list of To do's....
I LOVE TO DO LISTS! People who know me best, will tell you mine are ridiculous, and often times when I'm ordering out my day you'll see "eat" and "shower" on that checklist. Obscene I know.
Can I say it? No more random checklists...no more auto-pilot. I'm putting myself through rehab for list makers and the electronically obsessed. Truth be told, I'll never give up my planner or To-Do lists, but I might just stop during that list to smell the laundry...once it's clean of course.
I've been bored, and unispired, because I simply haven't noticed anything, and everyONE that could change my day. Maybe you're on auto-pilot too - even worse if you feel that way on the job - that's where you spend most of your time and should feel alive!
Who are you ignoring? Your soulmate? Someone you can learn from? A person who needs a smile? If you want to know, perhaps a good start is to just pay attention and start to look at someone in the elevator, smile at the person you pass going in the store, or simply notice and say hi to the person bagging your groceries.
As for lists...Sometimes we miss the light in life when we're spending too much time with a highlighter.
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Plant is always greener... in someone else's office
I'm starting on my New Years resolutions early...and one of them was to finish my book - Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus--which I HIGHLY recommend. It was exactly what I needed. Many of the quotes were extremely motivational and I thought I'd share one of them that hit me as I look back at my manic underlining while reading it.
"We are all haunted with the fear of living lives of insignificance, and we all hear the voice that tells us we can live the dream. Somehow we all know that to play it safe is to lose the game. [Sometimes you have] to risk all that you have for all that could be."
I think this quote rings true for not only career but also love. Tonight, let's consider career.
Here was my scenario. I wanted a corporate office, window, expense account, networking lunches, office paid happy hours, and the prestige of a corner office with----yes, you guessed it-- a plant. Guess what? I got it---and even the plant was fake! Don't get me wrong - I was happy and extremely grateful for the life I was living. It was a good life, one I worked hard for, one I was financially very rewarded for. I had everything I wanted! I could even go shopping and drop a thousand dollars and not even flinch - by a round of shots for the bar and be everyone's best friend for the night....who wouldn't be happy?!
Yet everyday as I looked out my fish bowled windows I felt myself wondering what those people who were driving at 10am did? Then again at 2pm...what did those people do? 3pm? 4pm? Crap...I was still wondering at 6pm from my private office with my company logo'd polo what those people did. It went from a curiousity of what kinds of jobs didn't require an office, to sheer jealousy of those not confined by a desk. Before I strangled myself with my mouse, I knew I had to investigate because I believed I was made for something more.
I took a leave of absence to speak for a non-profit at corporations all over the twin cities. I figured it would not only be a great opportunity to give back to my community and use my talent of public speaking, but professionally I could scout out other corporations and see how much greener the plants were in their offices.
I visited nearly 60 corporations considered "best places to work" in 3 months. I learned a lot. They really were some of the best places to work....yet I was baffled when I found that even there, everyone was afraid of living a life without purpose - happy and grateful for the lives they had, yet unfulfilled. My actual speech incorporated this thought...perhaps that's why the quote in McManus's book struck me. People would approach me afterwards and talk about the fact they felt that they had so much more to give or talents they just were afraid to pursue for fear of leaving that plastic plant office to see if something could pan out. They simply couldn't risk all they had worked so hard for.
Many of those offices even had beautiful real plants...flourishingly green. They truly were wonderful enviroments to work in with great programs to acknowledge your work. Yet, even there, people were envious of everyone else's job, and of a person like me who was now someone you'd see out your window on the road at 10am, 2pm, and 3pm making a difference ...unchained by a desk. It wasn't the Office that was bad...it was the fact they weren't using their God given talents that made them envious. During that short leave of absence I literally spoke with thousands of people paralyzed by fear of not leaving any mark on this world - and living a life of insignificance was their greatest fear. I learned more in those months about human nature than any other time of my life. That was 2 years ago...and I've continued to be a part of that non-profit ever since.
Don't get me wrong - working for a great company you can make a huge difference. I'm talking about truly exhausting your talents...whether in a coporation or someplace else--risking comfort for uncertainty, in hopes of all that can be. Is that smart in this economy? Possibly not. First hand I can tell you it's a roller coaster with blows to your ego, and low lows...that is s100% worth it for the chance at your dream in my opinion. Yet most people are not willing to risk anything for something better....in fact, they cling to what they have for fear of failure.
Here at the end of 2008, I feel that I've stared failure straight in the face...I even let it spit on me. I won't lie, I cried, I've felt like I failed. Then I recognized that it's ok to restrategize but it's not ok to give up. I tell students I teach persistence beats resistence and I knew I had to practice what I preach. Someone I admire greatly said to me, "it's not the most talented people that make it, it's the most persistent who succeed and you can watch the rest drop out around you when the going gets rough". He also said, "Sometimes when you pursue your passions there aren't any signs. In fact the only signs there are, are people telling you you'll never make it." I've come to learn, that includes yourself.
So my final though is this...will you let someone tell you no because they economy is bad, the risk is too great, you're not good enough, it's not realistic, you're too old, or too young, that you'll never make it? Why let someone else determine your destiny? Erwin McManus taught me that we all fear following a passion for fear we'll pursue it wholeheartedly and it's the wrong choice. His book is an affirmation that "if we desperately want to do what is in God's heart, not just our own, the liberating reality is this: When we are passionate about God, we can trust our passions."
What I learned is those people we admire so much who seem to be living life to the fullest in all those jobs we wish we had aren't living on trust funds (I like to assume everyone who has a better life than me must indeed have a trust fund.) In fact they are the first ones to tell us that it's not that they are that much more talented, or intelligent than us, they simply chose to risk what they had, for all that could be. They Chased Daylight...and in doing so they are fulfilling their purpose-Living the Dream we all can live, if only - we dare to believe.
So I ask this tonight ---are you playing it safe? are you waiting for a sign? are you waiting to know the answers and outcome before you risk jumping in? A lifelong journey of pursuing your dreams will surely at some points bring hardship and suffering....it may even make you feel like you've been in a boxing match with your hands tied behind your back (refer to my depressive post below) Yet, the reward is the adventure, the boxing match and of course the possibility of the greatest life you've ever imagined.
In fact, if you take the risk, you might even find yourself walking among and watering the greenest garden that could never have existed in that lifeless florescent office.
"We are all haunted with the fear of living lives of insignificance, and we all hear the voice that tells us we can live the dream. Somehow we all know that to play it safe is to lose the game. [Sometimes you have] to risk all that you have for all that could be."
I think this quote rings true for not only career but also love. Tonight, let's consider career.
Here was my scenario. I wanted a corporate office, window, expense account, networking lunches, office paid happy hours, and the prestige of a corner office with----yes, you guessed it-- a plant. Guess what? I got it---and even the plant was fake! Don't get me wrong - I was happy and extremely grateful for the life I was living. It was a good life, one I worked hard for, one I was financially very rewarded for. I had everything I wanted! I could even go shopping and drop a thousand dollars and not even flinch - by a round of shots for the bar and be everyone's best friend for the night....who wouldn't be happy?!
Yet everyday as I looked out my fish bowled windows I felt myself wondering what those people who were driving at 10am did? Then again at 2pm...what did those people do? 3pm? 4pm? Crap...I was still wondering at 6pm from my private office with my company logo'd polo what those people did. It went from a curiousity of what kinds of jobs didn't require an office, to sheer jealousy of those not confined by a desk. Before I strangled myself with my mouse, I knew I had to investigate because I believed I was made for something more.
I took a leave of absence to speak for a non-profit at corporations all over the twin cities. I figured it would not only be a great opportunity to give back to my community and use my talent of public speaking, but professionally I could scout out other corporations and see how much greener the plants were in their offices.
I visited nearly 60 corporations considered "best places to work" in 3 months. I learned a lot. They really were some of the best places to work....yet I was baffled when I found that even there, everyone was afraid of living a life without purpose - happy and grateful for the lives they had, yet unfulfilled. My actual speech incorporated this thought...perhaps that's why the quote in McManus's book struck me. People would approach me afterwards and talk about the fact they felt that they had so much more to give or talents they just were afraid to pursue for fear of leaving that plastic plant office to see if something could pan out. They simply couldn't risk all they had worked so hard for.
Many of those offices even had beautiful real plants...flourishingly green. They truly were wonderful enviroments to work in with great programs to acknowledge your work. Yet, even there, people were envious of everyone else's job, and of a person like me who was now someone you'd see out your window on the road at 10am, 2pm, and 3pm making a difference ...unchained by a desk. It wasn't the Office that was bad...it was the fact they weren't using their God given talents that made them envious. During that short leave of absence I literally spoke with thousands of people paralyzed by fear of not leaving any mark on this world - and living a life of insignificance was their greatest fear. I learned more in those months about human nature than any other time of my life. That was 2 years ago...and I've continued to be a part of that non-profit ever since.
Don't get me wrong - working for a great company you can make a huge difference. I'm talking about truly exhausting your talents...whether in a coporation or someplace else--risking comfort for uncertainty, in hopes of all that can be. Is that smart in this economy? Possibly not. First hand I can tell you it's a roller coaster with blows to your ego, and low lows...that is s100% worth it for the chance at your dream in my opinion. Yet most people are not willing to risk anything for something better....in fact, they cling to what they have for fear of failure.
Here at the end of 2008, I feel that I've stared failure straight in the face...I even let it spit on me. I won't lie, I cried, I've felt like I failed. Then I recognized that it's ok to restrategize but it's not ok to give up. I tell students I teach persistence beats resistence and I knew I had to practice what I preach. Someone I admire greatly said to me, "it's not the most talented people that make it, it's the most persistent who succeed and you can watch the rest drop out around you when the going gets rough". He also said, "Sometimes when you pursue your passions there aren't any signs. In fact the only signs there are, are people telling you you'll never make it." I've come to learn, that includes yourself.
So my final though is this...will you let someone tell you no because they economy is bad, the risk is too great, you're not good enough, it's not realistic, you're too old, or too young, that you'll never make it? Why let someone else determine your destiny? Erwin McManus taught me that we all fear following a passion for fear we'll pursue it wholeheartedly and it's the wrong choice. His book is an affirmation that "if we desperately want to do what is in God's heart, not just our own, the liberating reality is this: When we are passionate about God, we can trust our passions."
What I learned is those people we admire so much who seem to be living life to the fullest in all those jobs we wish we had aren't living on trust funds (I like to assume everyone who has a better life than me must indeed have a trust fund.) In fact they are the first ones to tell us that it's not that they are that much more talented, or intelligent than us, they simply chose to risk what they had, for all that could be. They Chased Daylight...and in doing so they are fulfilling their purpose-Living the Dream we all can live, if only - we dare to believe.
So I ask this tonight ---are you playing it safe? are you waiting for a sign? are you waiting to know the answers and outcome before you risk jumping in? A lifelong journey of pursuing your dreams will surely at some points bring hardship and suffering....it may even make you feel like you've been in a boxing match with your hands tied behind your back (refer to my depressive post below) Yet, the reward is the adventure, the boxing match and of course the possibility of the greatest life you've ever imagined.
In fact, if you take the risk, you might even find yourself walking among and watering the greenest garden that could never have existed in that lifeless florescent office.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Snow Globe
Have you ever felt like you went head to head in a boxing match with your hands tied behind your back? Black and Blue and totally feeling beat up..physically, emotionally, mentally, and unable to fight back....
This is the time of year when I'm usually sweeping my feet in circles as I walk through whispy new snowfalls.....laughing to myself while I catch snowflakes on my tongue. Yet the end of 2008 has seemed relentless on punching me where it counts. Economy, love, career, and health have all seemed to fail me lately. Even on my birthday, everything seemed to go wrong..I locked my keyes in my car not once, but TWICE...once while it was running... I dropped an expensive ornament in a store and it shattered...and then I ended up in the emergency room for the night with a major infection...that still persists and hopefully I can dodge surgery. What Crap! So tonight, I pick up a snowglobe, tip it upside-down, shake it and find myself wishing I were inside of that world completely enchanted with the snowy winter-wonderland inside.
I've always admired people who have thick skin and don't take things personally or to heart. I, on the other hand, take everything to heart. I used to think it was a gift... now I'm beginning to think it's a curse. Have you ever felt like your heart is so full of saddness it could burst? Not for yourself..(well ok, yes for yourself), but also for so many people who have it worse, for people you love and their problems, with negative things people have said to you, with fear of your future, for missing your past...and filled with uncertainty of where to go next?
I've always been someone who sees the positive in everything, and I've always believed that someone who isn't seeing the same has just been hurt and has forgotten how to see past it. My gift has always been to help people get past that hurt...use it to motivate towards something good for themselves and others and overcome any obstacles. However my heart has become consumed with hurt caused by the very people I thought I was helping. They haven't tried, and maybe don't even realize it. But, my question I pose to you tonight is this: When does loving someone become wrong for you?
I wonder? If I just turn off the lights, and see the reflection of the street lights through my window in the snowglobe, if I can just disappear in that tiny city street where everything is so perfect ---just for a night.....
This is the time of year when I'm usually sweeping my feet in circles as I walk through whispy new snowfalls.....laughing to myself while I catch snowflakes on my tongue. Yet the end of 2008 has seemed relentless on punching me where it counts. Economy, love, career, and health have all seemed to fail me lately. Even on my birthday, everything seemed to go wrong..I locked my keyes in my car not once, but TWICE...once while it was running... I dropped an expensive ornament in a store and it shattered...and then I ended up in the emergency room for the night with a major infection...that still persists and hopefully I can dodge surgery. What Crap! So tonight, I pick up a snowglobe, tip it upside-down, shake it and find myself wishing I were inside of that world completely enchanted with the snowy winter-wonderland inside.
I've always admired people who have thick skin and don't take things personally or to heart. I, on the other hand, take everything to heart. I used to think it was a gift... now I'm beginning to think it's a curse. Have you ever felt like your heart is so full of saddness it could burst? Not for yourself..(well ok, yes for yourself), but also for so many people who have it worse, for people you love and their problems, with negative things people have said to you, with fear of your future, for missing your past...and filled with uncertainty of where to go next?
I've always been someone who sees the positive in everything, and I've always believed that someone who isn't seeing the same has just been hurt and has forgotten how to see past it. My gift has always been to help people get past that hurt...use it to motivate towards something good for themselves and others and overcome any obstacles. However my heart has become consumed with hurt caused by the very people I thought I was helping. They haven't tried, and maybe don't even realize it. But, my question I pose to you tonight is this: When does loving someone become wrong for you?
I wonder? If I just turn off the lights, and see the reflection of the street lights through my window in the snowglobe, if I can just disappear in that tiny city street where everything is so perfect ---just for a night.....
Friday, September 19, 2008
Re-Gifting
We all know that re-gifting is a bit taboo...you open a present at Christmas and realize it's the same thing you gave to that person a year ago. I've seen it happen, and it's not pretty. So is it ever a good idea?
How about re-gifting your heart? I think for the first time in a long time, I’ve allowed my heart to get broken. I’ve realized it’s been wrapped up in a pretty bow in a turquoise Tiffany's box and re-gifted over and over and over again in my lifetime. However, this time I gave it as a gift and I actually let someone open it!! He took it out and looked at... he Oooh'd and Aaahhh'd and said how much he loved it! Then... he dropped it and broke it.
So, I'm trying to pick up the pieces, glue them together and decide if I can re-gift it? Can you give someone the gift of your heart twice, are they trustworthy? Especially after so long of not letting anyone in on it........or am I doomed that butterfingers will do the same things again?
You help me decide.....
How about re-gifting your heart? I think for the first time in a long time, I’ve allowed my heart to get broken. I’ve realized it’s been wrapped up in a pretty bow in a turquoise Tiffany's box and re-gifted over and over and over again in my lifetime. However, this time I gave it as a gift and I actually let someone open it!! He took it out and looked at... he Oooh'd and Aaahhh'd and said how much he loved it! Then... he dropped it and broke it.
So, I'm trying to pick up the pieces, glue them together and decide if I can re-gift it? Can you give someone the gift of your heart twice, are they trustworthy? Especially after so long of not letting anyone in on it........or am I doomed that butterfingers will do the same things again?
You help me decide.....
Monday, August 4, 2008
Ignorance causes "Bliss"-ters
So do my new shoes!.... OUCH! I love them, but they do NOT love me. Wow...that seems to be a something I've heard before....so let's begin. Have you ever NOT allowed someone to love you before? Dumb question Tiffany right? You can't help when you love someone. Well, maybe not...what obstacles have you put in the way of people loving you so that you were in control of your own emotions?
What is it about us that prevents us from being everything we were meant to be? Is it fear? Insecurity? A feeling like we don't deserve it? A way to be in control? Or simply ignorance? Ignorant of the fact that you don't realize you weren't allowing yourself to feel or do things things because you simply didn't want to get hurt...be let down.. be alone...so instead you stay in control and don't allow for those things to happen to you. Really what you were doing is hurting yourself, and maybe others, more than if you had just known what you were doing and not been so blind!!
All my talk sometimes makes it seem like I really have everything figured out. But really, who does? So much wisdom, insight you comment...maybe instead it's ignorance? It's supposed to be Bliss isn't it?
How many times in your life have you been hurt so badly you decided you'd never let that happen again? Prob only once I hope.... me, I lost a parent. I"m not special for that, or deserve a round of applause for surviving, but I maybe just recognized since that point in my life, I've never allowed anyone to get close enough to me to allow myself to feel so hurt. Almost 7 years?!!!! Everyone is kept at a certain distance, a controlled distance, one that won't allow them to leave me and me to hurt for long. Are you doing that?
Let's talk about love - directly, not in metaphors as I usually do. I have been told, I don't allow people to fall in love with me....I've retorted...you don't allow yourself to fall in love, you just do. You can't decide when or where or how or with who, it just happens whether you want to be vulnerable or not. Am I wrong? I think there is so much truth to that...at least for me. Yet as I scream into an empty heart about vulnerability, I recognize maybe it's me who's not willing to let go? Not willing to move on so I don't get hurt, take care of myself without having a safety net, or even make a decision firmly for fear it's the wrong one and I'll regret something. How can I expect someone to be vulnerable to me when I am not fully vulnerable myself? I constantly have a backup...a burner on high...a parachute packed...pepto in my purse..and they know it!! Why hasn't anyone told me this before now?!
Ok ok...I'm back to my metaphors...let's go with it, remember my posting on the pop can I left on my car and saw it from my window? Read a year ago below if you don't.... I talk about when you remember you've lost something you want it back..the way it was when you had it. Part of it was I was giving up drinking so much regular pop at the time trying to drink diet pop to be more healthy (baby steps right?). Then WHAMO, I saw it out my window, remembered I had it there and realized when something you had is still in plain sight you can't really let it go..you picture just what it was like when you last had it and you still want it alittle. It takes real strength to move on, and cut yourself off from it. To be honest, I'll always see another can of regular pop, and it will remind me of how much I love Dr. Pepper...but if I've really moved on, it won't make me drool. I'll be able to laugh and smile at the memories I had with it....ah ..me and my "pops".
Holding onto things from the past prevents you from moving on to what is waiting for your future..because there is always a reason you decided you had to move.
I constantly miss my father. I want to be someone who makes him proud, someone who lives in the present and fulfills her purpose..exhausts her talents, and loves with abandon. I don't think he'd be proud I've used him leaving me as an excuse to not love...or even worse, be loved. But after a swift kick in the butt today and a lot of tears and thinking, that's what I know I have to do. I Tiffany Times am not so on track all the time as I sound...I'm just human, haunted by my past experiences, trying not to let them hold me back anymore.
So...I ask: What is holding you back? Did someone hurt you....leave you....you failed yourself.....you don't feel you deserve something....you can't give up control.....you are ignorant? Don't let ignorance be the ghost that haunts you from achieving what you want in any area of your life. Be honest with yourself and realize it..ask someone to give you a swift kick in the ass and buck up! Excuses, Excuses, Now is the time to change!
So, ignorance isn't always Bliss...sometimes it's more painful than if you had realized something in the first place. Don't just put a bandaid on your "Bliss"-ters....let them heal by not wearing the same shoes...it's ok if those shoes didn't fit right, there is another pair out there waiting for you..probably cuter, and calling your name!
Tiffany Times
What is it about us that prevents us from being everything we were meant to be? Is it fear? Insecurity? A feeling like we don't deserve it? A way to be in control? Or simply ignorance? Ignorant of the fact that you don't realize you weren't allowing yourself to feel or do things things because you simply didn't want to get hurt...be let down.. be alone...so instead you stay in control and don't allow for those things to happen to you. Really what you were doing is hurting yourself, and maybe others, more than if you had just known what you were doing and not been so blind!!
All my talk sometimes makes it seem like I really have everything figured out. But really, who does? So much wisdom, insight you comment...maybe instead it's ignorance? It's supposed to be Bliss isn't it?
How many times in your life have you been hurt so badly you decided you'd never let that happen again? Prob only once I hope.... me, I lost a parent. I"m not special for that, or deserve a round of applause for surviving, but I maybe just recognized since that point in my life, I've never allowed anyone to get close enough to me to allow myself to feel so hurt. Almost 7 years?!!!! Everyone is kept at a certain distance, a controlled distance, one that won't allow them to leave me and me to hurt for long. Are you doing that?
Let's talk about love - directly, not in metaphors as I usually do. I have been told, I don't allow people to fall in love with me....I've retorted...you don't allow yourself to fall in love, you just do. You can't decide when or where or how or with who, it just happens whether you want to be vulnerable or not. Am I wrong? I think there is so much truth to that...at least for me. Yet as I scream into an empty heart about vulnerability, I recognize maybe it's me who's not willing to let go? Not willing to move on so I don't get hurt, take care of myself without having a safety net, or even make a decision firmly for fear it's the wrong one and I'll regret something. How can I expect someone to be vulnerable to me when I am not fully vulnerable myself? I constantly have a backup...a burner on high...a parachute packed...pepto in my purse..and they know it!! Why hasn't anyone told me this before now?!
Ok ok...I'm back to my metaphors...let's go with it, remember my posting on the pop can I left on my car and saw it from my window? Read a year ago below if you don't.... I talk about when you remember you've lost something you want it back..the way it was when you had it. Part of it was I was giving up drinking so much regular pop at the time trying to drink diet pop to be more healthy (baby steps right?). Then WHAMO, I saw it out my window, remembered I had it there and realized when something you had is still in plain sight you can't really let it go..you picture just what it was like when you last had it and you still want it alittle. It takes real strength to move on, and cut yourself off from it. To be honest, I'll always see another can of regular pop, and it will remind me of how much I love Dr. Pepper...but if I've really moved on, it won't make me drool. I'll be able to laugh and smile at the memories I had with it....ah ..me and my "pops".
Holding onto things from the past prevents you from moving on to what is waiting for your future..because there is always a reason you decided you had to move.
I constantly miss my father. I want to be someone who makes him proud, someone who lives in the present and fulfills her purpose..exhausts her talents, and loves with abandon. I don't think he'd be proud I've used him leaving me as an excuse to not love...or even worse, be loved. But after a swift kick in the butt today and a lot of tears and thinking, that's what I know I have to do. I Tiffany Times am not so on track all the time as I sound...I'm just human, haunted by my past experiences, trying not to let them hold me back anymore.
So...I ask: What is holding you back? Did someone hurt you....leave you....you failed yourself.....you don't feel you deserve something....you can't give up control.....you are ignorant? Don't let ignorance be the ghost that haunts you from achieving what you want in any area of your life. Be honest with yourself and realize it..ask someone to give you a swift kick in the ass and buck up! Excuses, Excuses, Now is the time to change!
So, ignorance isn't always Bliss...sometimes it's more painful than if you had realized something in the first place. Don't just put a bandaid on your "Bliss"-ters....let them heal by not wearing the same shoes...it's ok if those shoes didn't fit right, there is another pair out there waiting for you..probably cuter, and calling your name!
Tiffany Times
Thursday, July 31, 2008
All you can eat....
Have I mentioned before that I like Buffets?
Just in case you think I'm going all soft and mushy lately I just thought I'd remind my readers, the other night when I went to dinner I tried to just order a filet, and it didnt' work. I couldn't just have 1 item...how boring!! I actually split an appetizer, half my dates meal, half my own and dessert. Sampling...ah - it's the way to live.
Much less complicated than trying to order ONE item and not get the sides or the main course you were hoping for. The beans are always greener on someone else's plate I guess you could say..... but I really LOVE green beans.
Let's be honest, at some point, it's all just gonna come out though isn't it?
Just in case you think I'm going all soft and mushy lately I just thought I'd remind my readers, the other night when I went to dinner I tried to just order a filet, and it didnt' work. I couldn't just have 1 item...how boring!! I actually split an appetizer, half my dates meal, half my own and dessert. Sampling...ah - it's the way to live.
Much less complicated than trying to order ONE item and not get the sides or the main course you were hoping for. The beans are always greener on someone else's plate I guess you could say..... but I really LOVE green beans.
Let's be honest, at some point, it's all just gonna come out though isn't it?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Think with your Stomach?
What are you hungry for? Do you have a big appetite? Not for cheese and tacos (mmm)...but for something more-- a dream, a goal, for love. ..
I was talking with someone tonight who gave me a new perspective on some of my feelings. Let's think about my last post - perhaps needing a parachute is a way of protecting myself. It's an excuse for not trusting fate and my instincts. He said, "why wouldn't you live for the rush?" He went on to say, "if you give attention to a backup plan you aren't able to give 100% focus to the what's happening in the now. If you spend time thinking about what you might need incase your plans don't work you could miss what's going on in front of you."
So he suggested I think with my stomach...he has stomach problems and most foods upset him painfully. So he has a choice. He could always protect himself and never taste new foods for fear of regretting eating it because there is a possiblity it will hurt him OR better yet, there is the possibility it could be the best thing he's ever had, a new favorite food that actually is healing! Honestly, he won't know unless he tries it...usually based on a "gut" instinct. (I crack me up...)
He outright said, "Yes Tiffany, there are times I've been so sure of eating a new food and I went for it 100% and what happened actually was the most embarrassing moment ever because I was wrong- it was a really bad decision. Yet the best is when I taste something new and realize it's amazing...and I never would have known if I lived my life protecting myself from potential pain."
I learned something from this and thought it was worth posting because maybe you will too. Two very different perspectives and risk factors. Brand your own approach - send me your analogy...am I making you hungry yet?
I know my appetite is stronger than ever.....um..question though -
Is it cheating if I keep Pepto in my purse? .....I guess old habits die hard.
Insatiable,
Tiffany
I was talking with someone tonight who gave me a new perspective on some of my feelings. Let's think about my last post - perhaps needing a parachute is a way of protecting myself. It's an excuse for not trusting fate and my instincts. He said, "why wouldn't you live for the rush?" He went on to say, "if you give attention to a backup plan you aren't able to give 100% focus to the what's happening in the now. If you spend time thinking about what you might need incase your plans don't work you could miss what's going on in front of you."
So he suggested I think with my stomach...he has stomach problems and most foods upset him painfully. So he has a choice. He could always protect himself and never taste new foods for fear of regretting eating it because there is a possiblity it will hurt him OR better yet, there is the possibility it could be the best thing he's ever had, a new favorite food that actually is healing! Honestly, he won't know unless he tries it...usually based on a "gut" instinct. (I crack me up...)
He outright said, "Yes Tiffany, there are times I've been so sure of eating a new food and I went for it 100% and what happened actually was the most embarrassing moment ever because I was wrong- it was a really bad decision. Yet the best is when I taste something new and realize it's amazing...and I never would have known if I lived my life protecting myself from potential pain."
I learned something from this and thought it was worth posting because maybe you will too. Two very different perspectives and risk factors. Brand your own approach - send me your analogy...am I making you hungry yet?
I know my appetite is stronger than ever.....um..question though -
Is it cheating if I keep Pepto in my purse? .....I guess old habits die hard.
Insatiable,
Tiffany
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Calculated Uncertainty..Or just a StoveTop?
Picture a Stove top..are you always sure to turn each burner off before you cook the next item or do you prepare them simultaneously? Me? Well I've been known to have all burners on at once!! They are a boilin' away JUST in case the first pot of water boils over, or evaporates, or I screw up the recipe...heck I might even leave them on if I decide I'd rather microwave instead of cook today. Please explain you say......well after a conversation I had with one of my best friends she affectionately nicknamed me "The Stove". Why...well, I have what some would call a problem with having too many backup plans for every decision I should be making. Some would say I over analyzing everything to death, others say it's the "want your cake and eat it too" syndrome, or what most believe -it's commitment issues - therefore I always have another option waiting on the back burner.
How many times can I confirm, I have NO commitment issues!! (except to working out..which I've admitted) Unfortunately, what I am, is indecisive - simply because I want to make the right choices. I am overly analytical admittedly, and I want to know all the answers before I commit. The problem is, I'm learning, sometimes you just don't get those answers up front. You just have to take a flying leap of faith.
CRAP - I'm afraid of heights?!...I like balance in my life and most often that balance for me is somewhere between perfect calculation and complete uncertainty... because YES sometimes I'm a walking contradiction. I am extremely decisive when it comes to any situation that doesn't involve me,that's what makes me great in business and at advice. I am also very risky at times when I believe strongly in my feelings..because although I'm overly analytical, I generally get into situations that need analyzing because I act on my emotions. I blame that on the fact that I am a huge believer in fate, in God, in things happening for a reason and also in us being able to create our own destiny. So therefore, why the heck do I not always trust those things? Am I a hypocrite for that?
YIKES?? I pray for clarity every day - I pray for my family and friends...heck sometimes I can't even decide what to pray for ... Even God gets annoyed with me at times because I might not ask just in case "ye shall receive" (just to find out I asked for the wrong thing).
In my defense...isn't it ok to have a backup plan? Circumstances can change at any minute..you can get fired, become broke, get in an accident, fall in love, fall out of love, get betrayed, or simply change your mind about something. Seriously - you wouldn't go skydiving without a parachute would you? That's not considered a leap of faith, it's just plain demented! Therefore, maybe I'm doing it the right way...I'm safe...or maybe dangerous because I'm always ready to jump seeing as I've packed a parachute. AH HA....Maybe I'm the one who's smart...huh...did you ever think of that? YEAH! .......Or Maybe not. Maybe I'm too scared to take a chance for fear it's the wrong choice. Do I live in fear or complete and utter calculated uncertainty?
WEIRD, I CAN'T DECIDE! Am I so well thought out I'm prepared for anything, or simply scared to death to make a wrong decision paralyzing myself from living life to it's fullest? It's time I liberated myself so I'm not a hypocrite. Personally, I believe I don't fear the uncertain, I just crave answers.
So as with any situation - I just need to take a deep breath, step back and re-evaluate why I am the way I am...so I can get those answers. Because until you fully understand yourself, you really shouldn't expect any one else to understand you either!
So my advice to you all today - live with at least a little Calculated Uncertainty and if people don't like it --tell them to go take a flying leap (I guarantee they packed a parachute too!)
How many times can I confirm, I have NO commitment issues!! (except to working out..which I've admitted) Unfortunately, what I am, is indecisive - simply because I want to make the right choices. I am overly analytical admittedly, and I want to know all the answers before I commit. The problem is, I'm learning, sometimes you just don't get those answers up front. You just have to take a flying leap of faith.
CRAP - I'm afraid of heights?!...I like balance in my life and most often that balance for me is somewhere between perfect calculation and complete uncertainty... because YES sometimes I'm a walking contradiction. I am extremely decisive when it comes to any situation that doesn't involve me,that's what makes me great in business and at advice. I am also very risky at times when I believe strongly in my feelings..because although I'm overly analytical, I generally get into situations that need analyzing because I act on my emotions. I blame that on the fact that I am a huge believer in fate, in God, in things happening for a reason and also in us being able to create our own destiny. So therefore, why the heck do I not always trust those things? Am I a hypocrite for that?
YIKES?? I pray for clarity every day - I pray for my family and friends...heck sometimes I can't even decide what to pray for ... Even God gets annoyed with me at times because I might not ask just in case "ye shall receive" (just to find out I asked for the wrong thing).
In my defense...isn't it ok to have a backup plan? Circumstances can change at any minute..you can get fired, become broke, get in an accident, fall in love, fall out of love, get betrayed, or simply change your mind about something. Seriously - you wouldn't go skydiving without a parachute would you? That's not considered a leap of faith, it's just plain demented! Therefore, maybe I'm doing it the right way...I'm safe...or maybe dangerous because I'm always ready to jump seeing as I've packed a parachute. AH HA....Maybe I'm the one who's smart...huh...did you ever think of that? YEAH! .......Or Maybe not. Maybe I'm too scared to take a chance for fear it's the wrong choice. Do I live in fear or complete and utter calculated uncertainty?
WEIRD, I CAN'T DECIDE! Am I so well thought out I'm prepared for anything, or simply scared to death to make a wrong decision paralyzing myself from living life to it's fullest? It's time I liberated myself so I'm not a hypocrite. Personally, I believe I don't fear the uncertain, I just crave answers.
So as with any situation - I just need to take a deep breath, step back and re-evaluate why I am the way I am...so I can get those answers. Because until you fully understand yourself, you really shouldn't expect any one else to understand you either!
So my advice to you all today - live with at least a little Calculated Uncertainty and if people don't like it --tell them to go take a flying leap (I guarantee they packed a parachute too!)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Were the Beatles Wrong?
All you need is love....you've heard that before right...sing it with me...Love is all you need. I'm a hopeless romantic...I know I've posted many blogs that would lead you to think otherwise, but really I'm the kind of girl that just wants to wear her boyfriends old sweatshirt because it smells like him. That wants to make eyes across the room and know with just a look that there's no one else. A girl who wants that Titantic-esc moment of artist love with wild abandon. But with my post on prox-intimacy did I spur up another conversation? A conversation I never knew I was brewing until I heard your responses to it?
Possibly because I want nothing more than to be hopelessly magically foolishy in love, I tend to want Love to really be all you need....yet I'm reminded tonight, there's so much more. There's physical attraction, there's the daily stuff and most importantly there's recognizing HOW you want to be loved......so the question is:
Is HOW we show we love someone more important than loving them at all?
How do you love someone correctly? Do they want to be showered with gifts and tokens of affection? Do they want your time? Do they want constant praise? Do they need loads of physical affection? Or do they want you to march down the street waving a flag with their name on it? What makes them feel loved? And what do you do if your styles are different?
I was introduced to this theory a few months ago and I think I'm finally starting to understand it, but the problem with a theory in real life is that there are strings attached.....heartstrings. Once you're involved it's hard to hear that all the things you do for someone aren't enough...when really they probably are, they just aren't the right display for your partner. Suddenly one of you starts to feel inadequate or tries hard to please at the expense of not enjoying it and in the end, you both just feel like you're not enough..that everything you do is just wrong...and your love...or your WAY of loving, just simply isn't good enough.
I guess someone can be in love with you or fall out of love at any moment for so many reasons....many which you might not feel you have control over, or never realized you should have controlled in the first place. I personally want out-of-control love.....where it simply doesn't make sense yet makes perfect sense and everything isnt' always right or easy, but just works.
Take a moment to think about if you compliment those you care about enough. Are you in a rut of picking out their flaws? For me, the truth is, I find flaws endearing. I think the flaws are what make a relationship interesting....sometimes the things that come between people are unfortunately exactly what drew you to them in the first place. What? You used to love the fact that I"m outgoing and can talk to anyone? And independent? Trying to become successful? It was attractive that I ate pizza remember? And cute that I text if I couldn't call when I'm thinking of you....and want to sleep in together......then WHAMO....suddenly all those cute little quirks become a list of romantic failures.
We've all been there...don't lie. Whatever side you're on at this moment, think if these issues are that big of a deal...if they are so monumental they are worth losing the person you really are head over heels for? Try telling them the ways You want to be Loved..what makes you feel appreciated. Ok, so what if the problem is you love them but maybe you're not in love... is it because of these differences or because you want something different? Don't try to change someone---If you really do love that someone, then maybe we all need to look at ourselves and recognize that sometimes people aren't perfect, but at the end of the day, if they just stupidly love us anyway..and we can learn to accept their gestures of affection that they ARE good at.....then maybe, just maybe John Lennon had it right.
I'll leave you to decide for yourself with of few of the lyrics ---from the Beatles "All you need is love"
Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy. All you need is love...
Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy. All you need is love...
All you need is love, love.Love is all you need.All you need is love (All together, now!)All you need is love. (Everybody!)All you need is love, love.Love is all you need (love is all you need).
Possibly because I want nothing more than to be hopelessly magically foolishy in love, I tend to want Love to really be all you need....yet I'm reminded tonight, there's so much more. There's physical attraction, there's the daily stuff and most importantly there's recognizing HOW you want to be loved......so the question is:
Is HOW we show we love someone more important than loving them at all?
How do you love someone correctly? Do they want to be showered with gifts and tokens of affection? Do they want your time? Do they want constant praise? Do they need loads of physical affection? Or do they want you to march down the street waving a flag with their name on it? What makes them feel loved? And what do you do if your styles are different?
I was introduced to this theory a few months ago and I think I'm finally starting to understand it, but the problem with a theory in real life is that there are strings attached.....heartstrings. Once you're involved it's hard to hear that all the things you do for someone aren't enough...when really they probably are, they just aren't the right display for your partner. Suddenly one of you starts to feel inadequate or tries hard to please at the expense of not enjoying it and in the end, you both just feel like you're not enough..that everything you do is just wrong...and your love...or your WAY of loving, just simply isn't good enough.
I guess someone can be in love with you or fall out of love at any moment for so many reasons....many which you might not feel you have control over, or never realized you should have controlled in the first place. I personally want out-of-control love.....where it simply doesn't make sense yet makes perfect sense and everything isnt' always right or easy, but just works.
Take a moment to think about if you compliment those you care about enough. Are you in a rut of picking out their flaws? For me, the truth is, I find flaws endearing. I think the flaws are what make a relationship interesting....sometimes the things that come between people are unfortunately exactly what drew you to them in the first place. What? You used to love the fact that I"m outgoing and can talk to anyone? And independent? Trying to become successful? It was attractive that I ate pizza remember? And cute that I text if I couldn't call when I'm thinking of you....and want to sleep in together......then WHAMO....suddenly all those cute little quirks become a list of romantic failures.
We've all been there...don't lie. Whatever side you're on at this moment, think if these issues are that big of a deal...if they are so monumental they are worth losing the person you really are head over heels for? Try telling them the ways You want to be Loved..what makes you feel appreciated. Ok, so what if the problem is you love them but maybe you're not in love... is it because of these differences or because you want something different? Don't try to change someone---If you really do love that someone, then maybe we all need to look at ourselves and recognize that sometimes people aren't perfect, but at the end of the day, if they just stupidly love us anyway..and we can learn to accept their gestures of affection that they ARE good at.....then maybe, just maybe John Lennon had it right.
I'll leave you to decide for yourself with of few of the lyrics ---from the Beatles "All you need is love"
Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy. All you need is love...
Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy. All you need is love...
All you need is love, love.Love is all you need.All you need is love (All together, now!)All you need is love. (Everybody!)All you need is love, love.Love is all you need (love is all you need).
Monday, June 23, 2008
Prox-intimacy
Anything can come between two people..... beliefs, arguments, interests, lack of intimacy, work, goals, money, children, or simply distance. I was told a quote once that said the worst hell for a human is "proximity without intimacy". It's being with someone without physically feeling the connection...and I think thats true for any of those things on my list.
Have you ever been close to someone and felt like your beliefs, politicially or personally are opposite? Or maybe you love different activities and can't seem to enjoy doing things together because someone is constantly compromising. Worlds worst, you are together but have no physical touch or tender moments....maybe work keeps you away, your goals are opposite or children take all your energy and attention. Maybe it's what I'm contemplating.....the miles between you are daunting.
I've thought about this phenomenon a lot lately....and the fact that so many people I know live a life without intimacy in their relationships in one or more of those areas, yet feel crippled to make changes for the better. So the question is, how do we get the courage to ask for more, or recognize we were mentally telling ourselves we lived on a cute little culdasac, when really our heart knew it was nothing more than a fancy name for a dead end?
Prox-intimacy I'm going to call it.....what does it take to survive a friendship or relationship that prohibits you from feeling connected in some awful way? Because to be honest, sometimes it's not a flaw, it's a circumstance....
Perhaps right now you are the one who's moving, or traveling, or working, or uninterested, or focused on other priorities.....either side of it, we've all been witness to moments where someone cuts us off. At it's worst it's verbally not speaking to us, physically cannot look us in the eye, or simply refuses to feel our touch. I don't think any human deserves that....heck, or animal for that matter! I have chosen in my life to change my relationships...be honest about my wants and flaws and needs. I've learned you cannot get what you want unless you decide for yourself to get it, or ask for it from those you love. I used to believe I could hint to people and they would respond....I'm a very talented persuader if I do say so myself. Having a psychology background, I often times would use reverse psychology to coax others to do what I needed without ever having to directly ask. Was a it a great talent...yes. Was it fulfilling....absolutely not. Through my experiences I've learned that asking is a much better policy...most often those who are worth your time will reciprocate and go above and beyond what you ask for.
So my message today....Don't settle for a friend, spouse, lover, or co-worker who isn't willing to work at your relationship. Allowing yourself to feel like you're shut off from another person emotionally isn't fair to you, or if you've shut off from another person, don't string them along... be honest about how you're feeling or take time to figure out what's at the root of your behavior. Sometimes making the decision to move on if you don't feel good about yourself or connected intimately with that person is ok....even if on paper, they looked like a perfect match to your needs.
Prox-intimacy.....the need for proximity WITH intimacy.....simply put, don't settle for less.
Have you ever been close to someone and felt like your beliefs, politicially or personally are opposite? Or maybe you love different activities and can't seem to enjoy doing things together because someone is constantly compromising. Worlds worst, you are together but have no physical touch or tender moments....maybe work keeps you away, your goals are opposite or children take all your energy and attention. Maybe it's what I'm contemplating.....the miles between you are daunting.
I've thought about this phenomenon a lot lately....and the fact that so many people I know live a life without intimacy in their relationships in one or more of those areas, yet feel crippled to make changes for the better. So the question is, how do we get the courage to ask for more, or recognize we were mentally telling ourselves we lived on a cute little culdasac, when really our heart knew it was nothing more than a fancy name for a dead end?
Prox-intimacy I'm going to call it.....what does it take to survive a friendship or relationship that prohibits you from feeling connected in some awful way? Because to be honest, sometimes it's not a flaw, it's a circumstance....
Perhaps right now you are the one who's moving, or traveling, or working, or uninterested, or focused on other priorities.....either side of it, we've all been witness to moments where someone cuts us off. At it's worst it's verbally not speaking to us, physically cannot look us in the eye, or simply refuses to feel our touch. I don't think any human deserves that....heck, or animal for that matter! I have chosen in my life to change my relationships...be honest about my wants and flaws and needs. I've learned you cannot get what you want unless you decide for yourself to get it, or ask for it from those you love. I used to believe I could hint to people and they would respond....I'm a very talented persuader if I do say so myself. Having a psychology background, I often times would use reverse psychology to coax others to do what I needed without ever having to directly ask. Was a it a great talent...yes. Was it fulfilling....absolutely not. Through my experiences I've learned that asking is a much better policy...most often those who are worth your time will reciprocate and go above and beyond what you ask for.
So my message today....Don't settle for a friend, spouse, lover, or co-worker who isn't willing to work at your relationship. Allowing yourself to feel like you're shut off from another person emotionally isn't fair to you, or if you've shut off from another person, don't string them along... be honest about how you're feeling or take time to figure out what's at the root of your behavior. Sometimes making the decision to move on if you don't feel good about yourself or connected intimately with that person is ok....even if on paper, they looked like a perfect match to your needs.
Prox-intimacy.....the need for proximity WITH intimacy.....simply put, don't settle for less.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Re-Resolving for 2008
So what, I say! So what -if I ate Don Pablos, Chiptole, McDonalds, easy cheese (yes from a can), and drank pop all week. I have 12 months right? Oh, did I make a resolution against all that? Crap. I'm doomed.
Ok ok ok ...so you fore go your New Year's resolutions...you realize it's only the 13th of January and think basically you're doomed to another year of being unable to commit to changing all the things you don't like about yourself. I say -who cares if eating all organic, doing 1900 situps a day, not eating after 8pm, jobsearching for the next best thing, and not being late anymore haven't been so successful in 2008 . Don't beat yourself up! It's all about 1 day at a time..... and better yet, stop making resolutions of things to CUT and start making resolutions of things to ADD to your life for 2008....1 day at a time.
Yes, now is the day to Re-Resolve who you're going to be this year. Forget your fairweather plans of going to the gym 9 days a week, cutting out pop completely, never tasting the goodness of sour cream again, or giving up cheesecake.......not only is it unrealistic, it's impossible!
Instead
ADD lunges in when you walk to your mailbox.
ADD one extra glass of water a day.
ADD a compliment to someone in your life.
ADD a vision board of your goals to your office or home.
ADD one volunteer hour a month.
ADD a better breakfast to your day.
ADD a timer to your phone at 3pm everyday to remind you to be thankful for your blessings, pray, or meditate.
ADD what is realistic for you 1 day at a time.
Sounds pretty revolutionary huh? I'm sure the Therapist I'll have to ADD in this year will think so. ha!
Cheers and good night,
Tiffany
Ok ok ok ...so you fore go your New Year's resolutions...you realize it's only the 13th of January and think basically you're doomed to another year of being unable to commit to changing all the things you don't like about yourself. I say -who cares if eating all organic, doing 1900 situps a day, not eating after 8pm, jobsearching for the next best thing, and not being late anymore haven't been so successful in 2008 . Don't beat yourself up! It's all about 1 day at a time..... and better yet, stop making resolutions of things to CUT and start making resolutions of things to ADD to your life for 2008....1 day at a time.
Yes, now is the day to Re-Resolve who you're going to be this year. Forget your fairweather plans of going to the gym 9 days a week, cutting out pop completely, never tasting the goodness of sour cream again, or giving up cheesecake.......not only is it unrealistic, it's impossible!
Instead
ADD lunges in when you walk to your mailbox.
ADD one extra glass of water a day.
ADD a compliment to someone in your life.
ADD a vision board of your goals to your office or home.
ADD one volunteer hour a month.
ADD a better breakfast to your day.
ADD a timer to your phone at 3pm everyday to remind you to be thankful for your blessings, pray, or meditate.
ADD what is realistic for you 1 day at a time.
Sounds pretty revolutionary huh? I'm sure the Therapist I'll have to ADD in this year will think so. ha!
Cheers and good night,
Tiffany
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I pledge allegiance...and I always sample the soup first!
Some days I get really sick of people trying to "own" me..making me choose just them. Do you ever feel like everyone wants a piece of you, but not because they genuinely care? Many people care, don't get me wrong, but it seems to be all about our societal need to HAVE something -OWN it for ourselves. And everyone wants to HAVE people too...they all want our indivisible allegiance..to choose them over all other choices. This is true in business, life, and relationships...and all I want is to sample the soup first.
Let' me explain...
For starters..I'm not subliminally talking about romance here people -I'm blantantly referring to a multitude of topics with this post-possibly romance, but more importantly the instance that inspired me to blog about this topic today within business. Of course I believe you need reliability in your life and should be loyal to your choices - but why the need to make only ONE thing the object of your loyalty?
Here's a thought - I don't think human nature lends itself to doing one thing over an over forever. I mean, who came up with this idea? Whoever said Variety is the spice of life, is my hero. This topic is as simple as my cat...funny you say, "of course she has a cat"...yes, I have a cat...and I think about if I had to eat the same damn food everyday like he does -BORING !! I'd kick up my kitty dish and drag litter all over the house on my paws in Protest!
With that, I've decided I like my life of daily choices ... I like going to different places everyday, not sitting at the same desk (Or any desk for that matter), challenged with new projects and tasks, different cultures (corporate and human) and motivated by new experiences and people..
IN closing, this all isn't to say I don't like consistency, loyalty, or people I can rely on in life and in love. We need that in our lives too -especially in Love. But for me, I've realized I simply like to be someplace new, meeting new people, talking about different topics, trying new food, kissing people when I meet them (like Italians, not naughty), and simply believing it's ok to be a little indecisive if it lets you experience more options.
SO - I Pledge Allegiance to be loyal to EACH ONE of my choices, or guess what.... clearly I wouldn't have been able to decide on choosing it in the first place!
And finally - to all of you out there who think it's all about choosing ONE thing to fit the norm...
MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:...I suggest you sample the soup first, then I don't have to listen to you complain when you don't like it's "consistency".
Now, what do I want for dinner? ...I guess I'll try the soup,
Tiffany
Let' me explain...
For starters..I'm not subliminally talking about romance here people -I'm blantantly referring to a multitude of topics with this post-possibly romance, but more importantly the instance that inspired me to blog about this topic today within business. Of course I believe you need reliability in your life and should be loyal to your choices - but why the need to make only ONE thing the object of your loyalty?
Here's a thought - I don't think human nature lends itself to doing one thing over an over forever. I mean, who came up with this idea? Whoever said Variety is the spice of life, is my hero. This topic is as simple as my cat...funny you say, "of course she has a cat"...yes, I have a cat...and I think about if I had to eat the same damn food everyday like he does -BORING !! I'd kick up my kitty dish and drag litter all over the house on my paws in Protest!
So...Let's consider the human brain for a minute...if you do the same things over and over the human brain stops responding the same...therefore to re-stimulate yourself you either have to take up a disorder like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) to get excited about repeated activities OR do something different to re-experience the mundane in a new way.
Think about putting on your clothes. I'm sure you put the same arm into your jacket every time..or the same leg into your jeans first as dressing -listen to the phone on the same ear -or brush your teeth with the same hand. TRY THIS: dress first with a different arm or leg - try writing with your other hand - kiss someone new -even parting your hair on the other side. You automatically pay attention and feel what you're doing again- don't you? That's because you're brain has been conditioned feel the same thing over and over and actual stop responding and now that you're changing it your synapses go CRAZY with excitement and you finally THINK about what you're doing again...I know you're thinking, "Tiffany, you have commitment issues"!
Huh? Commitment issues? Yes, I've been told that before. To be honest, I don't buy it. I think I'm one of the most committed people you'll ever meet. (Except maybe to working out) But I am committed to Goals, friends, companies, and to those I love.
I am extremely loyal and committed, but I am however, overly analytical which thus leads to me seeming indecisive and uncommittal. NO I'M NOT, yes I am..no I'm not, yes, no,yes.....uh........YES - With this traits of being overly analytical and sometimes indecisive comes my belief of "I can have it all! I don't have to choose one thing, I'd like a little bit of everything, why not experience as much as I can." Right?
I know, I know, so where does the soup come in? I'm one of those people who are awful to order with in a restaurant, really, I just don't think things need to be black and white - this or that - choose as is. I want to taste the soup first, make sure it's the way I like it and I might even see if I can substitute buffalo chicken for plain in the wrap...OH WAIT..waiter...can I switch that to onion rings? I'm convinced that Sample Day at Grocery stores, appetizers, buffets and Tapas restaurants were created for people like me!
Therefore, my question is this... how can we truly be expected to pledge allegiance to any ONE thing over and over, day after day and not get bored? We need to sample -We're creatures of variety, our very brain is wired that way!With that, I've decided I like my life of daily choices ... I like going to different places everyday, not sitting at the same desk (Or any desk for that matter), challenged with new projects and tasks, different cultures (corporate and human) and motivated by new experiences and people..
IN closing, this all isn't to say I don't like consistency, loyalty, or people I can rely on in life and in love. We need that in our lives too -especially in Love. But for me, I've realized I simply like to be someplace new, meeting new people, talking about different topics, trying new food, kissing people when I meet them (like Italians, not naughty), and simply believing it's ok to be a little indecisive if it lets you experience more options.
SO - I Pledge Allegiance to be loyal to EACH ONE of my choices, or guess what.... clearly I wouldn't have been able to decide on choosing it in the first place!
And finally - to all of you out there who think it's all about choosing ONE thing to fit the norm...
MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:...I suggest you sample the soup first, then I don't have to listen to you complain when you don't like it's "consistency".
Now, what do I want for dinner? ...I guess I'll try the soup,
Tiffany
Friday, November 9, 2007
A "Story" with the lesson of Mediocrity
I was able to shadow and work with a very talented photojournalist the other day doing a story on a very talented ventriloquist and guitarist. As I was taking notes and following the process of getting a story of someone to come to life...I thought of the questions he asked his interviewee and the lessons he was teaching me quietly while doing his job.
Some of those statements have stayed with me as not only questions to get a great interview for a story - but also questions and thoughts we should ask ourselves and to put into perspective how blessed we are or if we're on the right path.
If you have forgotten your purpose or goals in life, many of these questions and "deep thought" statements will remind you.....try answering them for yourself and thinking about if you live your life this way everyday....
- Tell me a time when you received a standing ovation?
- I'm here today to help you look your best.
- When you were a little kid - what did you tell your teachers you wanted to be?
- Is what you do original?
- Is there a message you hope to leave people with?
- What has been one of your most rewarding conversations...has someone told you ever "because of you I didn't commit suicide" or "you've changed my life because..."
- Have you ever let a dummy make you look bad?
- What are your goals?
- What don't I know about you that I should?
AND THE STATEMENT OF THE DAY
"If you settle for mediocrity in little things, you'll settle for mediocrity in the big things" - John Gross, Photojournalist
Tifftionary Meaning: Mediocrity - knowing you haven't exhausted your talents. The belief you're capable of doing more and you haven't done it. Not serving yourself or others to your fullest potential.
So I have to say thank you to John for not only teaching me more about how to create a story that is news worthy - but one that is also truthful, interesting, beautiful and inspirational.
Tiffany
Some of those statements have stayed with me as not only questions to get a great interview for a story - but also questions and thoughts we should ask ourselves and to put into perspective how blessed we are or if we're on the right path.
If you have forgotten your purpose or goals in life, many of these questions and "deep thought" statements will remind you.....try answering them for yourself and thinking about if you live your life this way everyday....
- Tell me a time when you received a standing ovation?
- I'm here today to help you look your best.
- When you were a little kid - what did you tell your teachers you wanted to be?
- Is what you do original?
- Is there a message you hope to leave people with?
- What has been one of your most rewarding conversations...has someone told you ever "because of you I didn't commit suicide" or "you've changed my life because..."
- Have you ever let a dummy make you look bad?
- What are your goals?
- What don't I know about you that I should?
AND THE STATEMENT OF THE DAY
"If you settle for mediocrity in little things, you'll settle for mediocrity in the big things" - John Gross, Photojournalist
Tifftionary Meaning: Mediocrity - knowing you haven't exhausted your talents. The belief you're capable of doing more and you haven't done it. Not serving yourself or others to your fullest potential.
So I have to say thank you to John for not only teaching me more about how to create a story that is news worthy - but one that is also truthful, interesting, beautiful and inspirational.
Tiffany
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Balcony Girl
I heart Balconies.
I think they are my cityscape equivalent to the country or college house porch. Sit out there, have a beer, maybe paint, read a book, spy on the people below. Oh, how fun that sounds. But in this world of luxury apartments is it too much to ask for an affordable apartment with a balcony? Apparently so.
That's really all I have to say about that today.
I think they are my cityscape equivalent to the country or college house porch. Sit out there, have a beer, maybe paint, read a book, spy on the people below. Oh, how fun that sounds. But in this world of luxury apartments is it too much to ask for an affordable apartment with a balcony? Apparently so.
That's really all I have to say about that today.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Hour Glass Fingers
I am generally a very positive and motivated person. I truly believe in purpose, I believe in God, and I believe in the goodness of people paying it forward.
But there are days....days when everything I thought I knew I've watched slip through my hands right in front of my own eyes. I'm going to call it a moment of having Hour Glass Fingers. Once we tip over the glass and it's set in motion all we can do is watch it slip through time and feel the hopelessness of seeing it disappear before you can hardly get a look at each grain of sand.
Recently this happened to me. I was feeling so confident and so "on Purpose". I stared what I thought was going to be the greatest moment of my life directly in the face...one I felt could change my life forever. I took a deep breath ....and with my head high and shoulders back, I gave it all I had believing wholeheartedly in it. I smiled as I looked it square in the face.....then....Smack...think again....it back-handed me across the cheek.
The sand started spilling everywhere and as I desperately tried to grab what had fallen and sift it into the mix still on top I found myself grasping at the silent air of an ended opportunity. A passing moment in the the diary of my life with a lifeless pile of sand on the floor. I just sat and stared at it. I stared at it for 8 days. Really...Eight L--o---n---g days. I didn't know what else to do. It was this beautiful mess of my dreams spilled on the floor and all I could was stare at it and cry, completely hopeless for 8 ridiculous days.
So now what? Do I sweep it up? Did I just waste 8 whole days sulking? No...they weren't wasted. I needed to just feel the loss this time. So often I, like so many of us, like to just sweep the sand under the kitchen rug and pretend it didn't spill in the first place and move on...marching forward with a fractured smile. When in reality the damn sand is still under the rug isn't it? Imagine how that builds up over time, sweeping and moving on, sweeping and moving on...then it probably festers with ants. I've had ants before and it's absolutely no fun!
So, staring at it this time, seeing each grain of my dream lifeless on the floor gave me the time to feel what it meant to me. I realized that taking risks and committing to a goal means: realizing it's ok to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is inherent in admitting you want something and the belief that it was worth working toward, even if it means risking the pain of losing it before you know it's success.
So...after 192 hours, yes 8 tumultuous days of complete and utter self-pity, I scooped it up and saved it. I knew it wouldn't serve me to keep it under the rug and why throw it away when I wanted it so badly? Ultimately, I kept it because I was grateful it brought me to this place of realization of what I really wanted. I was grateful it made achieving that dream so much sweeter when it finally happens and it's made me that much more determined and full of perseverance to get there.
In conclusion, I had to sweep up the sand and get it off of the floor because I know I'm going to need a clean floor to DANCE on when my victory song is finally played. Oh how sweet that dance will be!
But there are days....days when everything I thought I knew I've watched slip through my hands right in front of my own eyes. I'm going to call it a moment of having Hour Glass Fingers. Once we tip over the glass and it's set in motion all we can do is watch it slip through time and feel the hopelessness of seeing it disappear before you can hardly get a look at each grain of sand.
Recently this happened to me. I was feeling so confident and so "on Purpose". I stared what I thought was going to be the greatest moment of my life directly in the face...one I felt could change my life forever. I took a deep breath ....and with my head high and shoulders back, I gave it all I had believing wholeheartedly in it. I smiled as I looked it square in the face.....then....Smack...think again....it back-handed me across the cheek.
The sand started spilling everywhere and as I desperately tried to grab what had fallen and sift it into the mix still on top I found myself grasping at the silent air of an ended opportunity. A passing moment in the the diary of my life with a lifeless pile of sand on the floor. I just sat and stared at it. I stared at it for 8 days. Really...Eight L--o---n---g days. I didn't know what else to do. It was this beautiful mess of my dreams spilled on the floor and all I could was stare at it and cry, completely hopeless for 8 ridiculous days.
So now what? Do I sweep it up? Did I just waste 8 whole days sulking? No...they weren't wasted. I needed to just feel the loss this time. So often I, like so many of us, like to just sweep the sand under the kitchen rug and pretend it didn't spill in the first place and move on...marching forward with a fractured smile. When in reality the damn sand is still under the rug isn't it? Imagine how that builds up over time, sweeping and moving on, sweeping and moving on...then it probably festers with ants. I've had ants before and it's absolutely no fun!
So, staring at it this time, seeing each grain of my dream lifeless on the floor gave me the time to feel what it meant to me. I realized that taking risks and committing to a goal means: realizing it's ok to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is inherent in admitting you want something and the belief that it was worth working toward, even if it means risking the pain of losing it before you know it's success.
So...after 192 hours, yes 8 tumultuous days of complete and utter self-pity, I scooped it up and saved it. I knew it wouldn't serve me to keep it under the rug and why throw it away when I wanted it so badly? Ultimately, I kept it because I was grateful it brought me to this place of realization of what I really wanted. I was grateful it made achieving that dream so much sweeter when it finally happens and it's made me that much more determined and full of perseverance to get there.
In conclusion, I had to sweep up the sand and get it off of the floor because I know I'm going to need a clean floor to DANCE on when my victory song is finally played. Oh how sweet that dance will be!
Monday, April 9, 2007
Would you like a tissue? You have a blogger.
I've often said I feel like life is one big cartoon (Garfield perhaps)? Where I look at people, yes and animals, and see the bubble over them that says what they are really thinking. It's quite funny - I tend to see comedy in most everything.
For example - this blog. Isn't it funny that we all seem to become a columnist when we get a blog...like people are really reading it. I don't kid myself that people are too interested in reading random blogs. So why do we do it? For ourselves? Hmmm...maybe it's an online journal? No...not personal enough. Just enough of our thoughts that we're willing to let the rest of the world read...
Yes, for me....I've decided that a blog allows me to say the things I want to tell the random person sitting next to me because they would just maybe listen. But truth be told, you usually don't tell that random person, because they may just tell you to get lost if you're not paying them to listen. I guess that's what psychologists are for. I knew I should have used that psychology degree...
I'll stick with a blog for now.....
For example - this blog. Isn't it funny that we all seem to become a columnist when we get a blog...like people are really reading it. I don't kid myself that people are too interested in reading random blogs. So why do we do it? For ourselves? Hmmm...maybe it's an online journal? No...not personal enough. Just enough of our thoughts that we're willing to let the rest of the world read...
Yes, for me....I've decided that a blog allows me to say the things I want to tell the random person sitting next to me because they would just maybe listen. But truth be told, you usually don't tell that random person, because they may just tell you to get lost if you're not paying them to listen. I guess that's what psychologists are for. I knew I should have used that psychology degree...
I'll stick with a blog for now.....
Friday, March 30, 2007
Very Impressive Person
He Greets everyone with a smile
And a hardy handshake;
And makes you feel he means it
When he says he's glad to meet you
And he makes you glad you met him.
He walks with a sprightly step
And Speaks with a laugh in his voice
He listens with interest
And speaks with conviction,
And makes you feel you've known him all of your life.
He doesn't seem to try to impress,
Yet he's most impressive.
He never tries pressing to persuade,
Yet you always come away convinced.
He's the kind of guy we enjoy being around
Because he is what we all secretly would like to be-
Someone who enjoys being himself.
-Coach Meyer / Northern U Basketball
And a hardy handshake;
And makes you feel he means it
When he says he's glad to meet you
And he makes you glad you met him.
He walks with a sprightly step
And Speaks with a laugh in his voice
He listens with interest
And speaks with conviction,
And makes you feel you've known him all of your life.
He doesn't seem to try to impress,
Yet he's most impressive.
He never tries pressing to persuade,
Yet you always come away convinced.
He's the kind of guy we enjoy being around
Because he is what we all secretly would like to be-
Someone who enjoys being himself.
-Coach Meyer / Northern U Basketball
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
BLOGGER... Excuse you
Wow---I've joined the 21st century - I have a blog! This is a place to speak my mind on issues, events, and happenings in my life that are changing who I am every day I exist.
A little about me:
I above all things believe in God. I know my life has a purpose and I live with those intentions every day. I am always open to changes and forks in my plans as I know I am not always in charge. I do however think we can determine much of our future by our energy and our thoughts. I know everyone and their mother has read the book, "The Secret" by now, but I believe we are creators of our own universe in so many ways and that with God's free will we are creating things we believe into existence everyday. I've seen this first hand in my own life and continue to believe in these gifts we've been given on earth.
I love orange juice--and cheese. Havarti is probably my favorite cheese in the universe. mmm.
I do comedy - I act - I volunteer - I have a cat and I love my family.
Tune in for thoughts and updates as life unfolds.
Cheers!
Tiff
A little about me:
I above all things believe in God. I know my life has a purpose and I live with those intentions every day. I am always open to changes and forks in my plans as I know I am not always in charge. I do however think we can determine much of our future by our energy and our thoughts. I know everyone and their mother has read the book, "The Secret" by now, but I believe we are creators of our own universe in so many ways and that with God's free will we are creating things we believe into existence everyday. I've seen this first hand in my own life and continue to believe in these gifts we've been given on earth.
I love orange juice--and cheese. Havarti is probably my favorite cheese in the universe. mmm.
I do comedy - I act - I volunteer - I have a cat and I love my family.
Tune in for thoughts and updates as life unfolds.
Cheers!
Tiff
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