Snow Globe

Have you ever felt like you went head to head in a boxing match with your hands tied behind your back? Black and Blue and totally feeling beat up..physically, emotionally, mentally, and unable to fight back....

This is the time of year when I'm usually sweeping my feet in circles as I walk through whispy new snowfalls.....laughing to myself while I catch snowflakes on my tongue. Yet the end of 2008 has seemed relentless on punching me where it counts. Economy, love, career, and health have all seemed to fail me lately. Even on my birthday, everything seemed to go wrong..I locked my keyes in my car not once, but TWICE...once while it was running... I dropped an expensive ornament in a store and it shattered...and then I ended up in the emergency room for the night with a major infection...that still persists and hopefully I can dodge surgery. What Crap! So tonight, I pick up a snowglobe, tip it upside-down, shake it and find myself wishing I were inside of that world completely enchanted with the snowy winter-wonderland inside.

I've always admired people who have thick skin and don't take things personally or to heart. I, on the other hand, take everything to heart. I used to think it was a gift... now I'm beginning to think it's a curse. Have you ever felt like your heart is so full of saddness it could burst? Not for yourself..(well ok, yes for yourself), but also for so many people who have it worse, for people you love and their problems, with negative things people have said to you, with fear of your future, for missing your past...and filled with uncertainty of where to go next?

I've always been someone who sees the positive in everything, and I've always believed that someone who isn't seeing the same has just been hurt and has forgotten how to see past it. My gift has always been to help people get past that hurt...use it to motivate towards something good for themselves and others and overcome any obstacles. However my heart has become consumed with hurt caused by the very people I thought I was helping. They haven't tried, and maybe don't even realize it. But, my question I pose to you tonight is this: When does loving someone become wrong for you?

I wonder? If I just turn off the lights, and see the reflection of the street lights through my window in the snowglobe, if I can just disappear in that tiny city street where everything is so perfect ---just for a night.....