Thursday, December 31, 2015

10 Things to do for Yourself in 2016

Several friends recently asked me why I haven't written in so long…I guess I had a block.

For almost 3 years.

But it's a NEW year soon, and I've told close friends in the past few months that I finally felt like I started "waking up"….and maybe writing again is good.  It's time to come out of this cocoon I've been hibernating in - how about you?

It's been chaotic and messy at times…

Deepak Chopra said, "All great changes are preceded by chaos."  We equate chaos with being bad because it's uncomfortable and sometimes painful.  Yet if we don't go THROUGH the experience of the storm of chaos as difficult as it can be...would we ever appreciate the peace of the rainbow and know the value of serenity? Don't try to go around it or take shortcuts…just learn to dance in the rain.

Many people are writing "What I learned in 2015" posts…this is my;

TOP 10 things I learned being in a funk until the end of 2015. 
 It's raw and not always pretty…but I hope you find inspiration in my truth from the past 3 years and do these 10 things for yourself in 2016.

1-BE AUTHENTIC: There's a deep desire within all of us to be authentic.  If you don't have a plan for your own life, you'll only become a part of someone else's.  That's not to say life goes as planned…or that joining your life with someone else isn't of value.  It's about being true to who we are and being with someone who supports becoming your best self!  Be Bold!  Radiate who you are!  I have always had a deep desire to be heard, to inspire change & growth and continue to learn. What brings me joy is also helping other people tell their stories and become their best selves so they can be authentically heard and make positive change as well.  The older I've gotten the more I realize how important truth and transparency are in that process.  So what if you're quirky or weird, or put too much importance on kissing at midnight this New Years eve?  It's ok!  I'm super weird, and I love kissing always...Someone will laugh at and adore those very things about you.

2-IT'S OK TO HIBERNATE: Life isn't always easy, and sometimes we are thrown off our purpose because of broken hearts, broken bodies, lost spirits, grief, or the inability to believe in yourself.  That takes some time to heal and realign.  Usually, great friends, prayer and family can help us circumvent this time in life.  But other times, we need to hibernate to renew ourselves and find strength within. I agree with it - IF you're cocooning to work on yourself and be better.  Sometimes shutting down to the world makes other angry, worried, and distant.  Assure them it's temporary.  If you need professional help, get it…don't wait.  If you just need time to assess who you want to become, use it wisely. Study, practice, and create the best version of yourself.  Then create a plan to re-emerge and jolt yourself back into a better existence!

3-WE BECOME WHAT WE DECIDE: We are a collection of our decisions. So decide to be good, moral, and do things that keep your conscience clean.  It's easy to be bad, be good instead.  It's easy to lie…don't do it.  There's never been a more truer statement than, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything"-Mark Twain.
It's easy to cheat…monogamy is hard.  Anyone can cheat, it takes self-discipline not to.  The opportunity will always be there, you have to choose to remove yourself, and respect someone else and yourself enough to decide and commit to be faithful.  Cheating and lying give people baggage for life, be kinder than that to someone you love(d).

4-PRAY, MEDITATE AND BE GRATEFUL: These three things change lives and focus you towards your goals, purpose and passion.  I think you will find clarity and happiness within one or all.

5-TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: It's easy to start a sentence with "You".  "You did this", "You made me feel", "You always", "You never". Try instead starting it with "I" and take ownership for what you want or need. No one makes us feel a certain way if we don't allow it.  Repeat after me; "I am responsible for my own happiness." It's difficult to work on this principle in life….but removing the word "YOU" from arguments or blame assigning will allow you to refocus on accountability for what's happening in your life.  This takes practice….find out what's behind how YOU'RE feeling and why you respond or react how you do.  It will change your life.

6-SAY SORRY AND I LOVE YOU: Do you owe someone an apology?  I am the first to admit I messed up a few times in 2015, and I said I'm sorry.  Not all apologies are accepted. Forgiveness is a personal journey.  I stayed with someone who cheated on me once and a therapist said to me;
"Get over chose to stay, you chose to forgive, so get over it…or move on."  Harsh, but she was right. If you need to forgive someone, know that you cannot love and hold a grudge simultaneously. It only leads to resentment and anxiety as you grasp for control in the situation.  It's a vicious cycle that's not worth it.  Choose to truly forgive instead, it will free you to feel love.  Speaking of love…tell those you love them often, life is short, cancer is a bitch, and death isn't always predictable.  Don't be left with regrets on either of these.

7-ANIMALS SAVE LIVES:  So does music, volunteering, and nachos.  Try having all in life.

8-IT'S OK TO BE SINGLE: This one wasn't easy for me, but I've learned to be alone without being lonely. Aloneness, is brimming with opportunity I've heard before…and it's true.
While the holidays bring lots of engagements photos on Facebook you may be wondering if you should commit yourself to the loony bin because people keep questioning why you're unmarried. Yet you've seen friends marry & divorce and lots in-between complain about their marriage or cheat on their spouse while posting loving photos on social media. You know you won't settle for that.
I'm finally not afraid of not finding someone, and you shouldn't be either....if it's meant to be, it will be.
Being single, is ok too.

9-EXES RUIN RELATIONSHIPS: Whether you're holding onto and defending a relationship with an old flame for love, comfort, sex, or because of children, know that they can ruin love for you.
It's not worth it, it's self-sabotaging.
My advice; act like exes before you ruin a new potential love. The caveat here is that some significant others ARE ok with it - but if they aren't, listen, it will ruin your relationship with them.
Resolve it so you can move forward.

10-LOVE AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Here's the 2016 Fluff!!!  I would add - also invest in the success of others.  Help uplift, motivate and support those around you.  Share your talents to help others share theirs.  Exhaust your gifts…you were given them to be used up.

Cheers to 2016!