Truth: What's NOT cliche on Valentines day is someone who loves you for YOU, a love that's not wrapped with a pretty bow...instead it's a real, raw, true best friends love. People who are willing to show all their vulnerabilities and be present in a relationship. Real communication with no pretenses or games, truthful and loyal, supportive, attentive and has your back. Someone who you laugh with, is your shoulder to cry on...and takes your breath away with a simple statement of how special you are to them. Someone who knows your deepest fears, biggest dreams, and makes you a better person every day. Someone who makes you FEEL adored, respected, secure and like you are your very best self in their presence.
Have you found that? If not...or even if you think so, you might need to ask yourself another question.
I had a conversation about relationships 2 years ago with someone I dated, he said something to me that was an "Ah Ha" moment;
"You said 'take care of me'....I've never had anyone do that for me."
2 years later I was asked, "Who is taking care of you?"
WHA-BAM!! It literally stopped me that this theme recurred in a new way. To think someone has never had that?? Then to question, Do I have that?
Often times those of us who put others feelings first, rescue, or accept bad behaviors do so because we want to take care of & help people. We think we are strong enough to take care of ourselves. And maybe we are, but In doing so, we don't win any medals.
It's not weak to be taken care of if it's reciprocated, it's double the strength.
But being "taken care of" should be a minimum shouldn't it? Everyone deserves someone who wants to protect your heart, your dreams, your fears, your future, your trust. Someone who knows your vulnerabilities and would never play into them or add to them. Someone who views you as family.
Isn't that what we all want? To be taken care of emotionally, physically, and spiritually?
I've told my mom and some close friends (so keep this between us), that I base my long-term relationship quotient on this question;
Ask Yourself; "If I got in an accident and was paralyzed, who would I want to bathe me and take care of me? Who is your Bathtub Lover?"
Weird, I know...but this is how my twisted mind works, and it can happen to anyone of us at any time. I would take care of the person I love, and it's important WHO my partner would be to me - is he the type who will;
1)Sulk with me, slowly bathe me and listen and agree with my sadness? (probably making me more depressed...*sigh....big gulps of Whiskey...*sigh again...repeat.)
2)Talk me to death in that tub about his problems as I desperately try to suffocate myself on a rubber ducky.
3)Do a half ass job of cleaning my armpits leaving me always smelling a little bit like onions because he's sick of it all and wants (maybe even acts on) being with someone else? (oh come on, you know dirty sweat smells like onions.)
OR (And the winner!)
4)Will he do a crazy stupid dance and make me laugh hysterically until I slip under water and he has to save me from drowning while we laugh until his gut hurts (Mine can't, I'm paralyzed remember?)
I want the laughter!! That's my non-negotiable. Then, if he's smart, loyal and kind... it's all about the guy who's willing to take care of me and see the positive side of life and love. The person who makes you FEEL adored and protected. After all, that's who I'd be to him if the situation were reversed.
...Oh Bathtub Lover, Will You Be My Valentine?
My mom cut out this quote for me when I was a teenager, and I have shared it many times with other teenagers..but really, it's a good reminder for any age;
"The one who's worth your tears, won't make you cry."
I don't remember who wrote it, but I do know this ...if he (or she) is Taking Care of You, Valentines Day isn't about the flowers or the perfect card, it's really should just be another day to laugh, spend time together and share a huge fat plate of nachos.