Friday, April 30, 2010

Tiffany Time - Being Alone not being Lonely

In my opinion there is a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely. Do you beg to differ? Then maybe you're not seeing aloneness as an opportunity. The time in-between being a social diva to be creative in your own alone with your thoughts and reinvent your goals, tweak your outlook and re-adjust your attitude. I like to call it "Tiffany Time" for those who know me.

Moving to a city where I didn't know a single soul has gifted me many quiet moments. However, at first, I caught myself losing that gift by filling every moment with visitors, travel, or phone conversations. Partly in order to not let my close friends and family feel like this would change our relationship, and also still being so close to MN, everyone wanted to come to visit. It was a cursed blessing in a way because I need to give myself a "time out" here and there. Now that things have relaxed a bit, I've been reminded to be present to spending time by myself. Perhaps it's because I'm reading a book with that very focus. Or maybe it's because I haven't had much alone time with my schedule until now. I'm guilty as I know many of you are, that I tend to book myself crazy and although I thrive on the work I do, multitasking and social outings, I need my
Tiffany Time too--to regroup, refresh, and refocus.

One of the books I'm reading right now was given to me from my cousin. Its purpose is to assure me that my decisions are sound and I'm OK
with my independence. I've been repeatedly reassured from the first 4 chapters, I already am in the place I want to be! I have changed tremendously as a woman in the past 4 years becoming a very independent person. My experience in the public position of Miss Minnesota started much of it by teaching me so many things that some people never have the chance to learn in lifetime, I'm incredibly grateful for that experience. Also, I am a firm believer that EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO LIVE ALONE AT SOME POINT IN HER LIFE BEFORE GETTING MARRIED - and through my own experience with that I've owned myself in a new way. I've learned who I really am.....quietly..... when no one is watching...when I'm not focused on a relationship-- when I'm simply, alone. Best of all, I've learned to love that person and be OK with not needing someone to take care of me. I can fix things, hang pictures, and do handy work without my brothers or guy friends to help! Once you've learned those things, discovered you're OK with yourself, it's then you define who you can be with another person.

Here is a quote from the book I'm reading that might inspire you to take some time for yourself before the summer gets crazy. Time to hear your own thoughts, listen to your heart, take in the beauty of the Lake and be present to your place in life. Perhaps its just taking a moment to realize how blessed you are to have all you have when so many out there have so little. Enjoy.......

"Aloneness is an opportunity, a state brimming with potentiality, with resources for renewed life-not a life sentence. Its cultivation should not be an apology but an art. In the space of aloneness--and perhaps only there - a woman is free to admit and act on her own desires. It is where we have the opportunity to discover that we are 'not a half' but a sovereign whole. With that insight, we can then begin to discard the remnant of 'thingness'--the spoiling belief that gives rise to our timidity, insecurity, and fear---so that we can realize true autonomy, with or without a partner." --- Florence FALK, ON MY OWN

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Closets Don't Judge Me!

I tend to compartmentalize most things in my life -so I'm told. I think it allows me to enjoy many different things in life..types of people, events, music, hobbies etc.. Some think it's bad...however, when it comes to closets, they LOVE my compartmentalizing habits!

To say this only happened after moving, would be a lie. It has helped, because I was forced to get rid of old items, however, this is something I cannot deny is in my inherent nature. I love to color code, make lists, put in compartments, shelves, organize by sleeve length, hanging holders, create creative nooks - and don't even get me started on office supplies and organizers! I've had what's affectionately referred to as the "Accessory Closet" (a makeshift closet which is a corner with a curtain to cover) for a couple years. In my old place it was the front closet, in my new place, it has it's own purpose in my bedroom. It holds belts, shoes, purses, scarves and hats's beautiful.

Some think compartmentalizing isn't a good thing. It can keep you emotionally unattached to things. However, when it comes to my closets, I never get judged. So compartmentalize away, I is a snippet of what the Accessory closet is, it's glorious to me, enjoy!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Pop Can

I left a soda can on my kitchen counter this morning. I'm eating an early lunch and realizing it would be really good with that cranberry spritzer on my counter. I've actually left a can on my car roof before only to hear it tumble off a half block away. I once chased 6 blocks after someone in traffic because they had dropped their shoes off the top of their car to track them down and give it back to them. SHOES?? Isn't it illegal to drive barefoot people?!

The bigger point is that I'm so often surprised about how we can forget things and never feel remorse...until....WE REMEMBER! Think about it - the only things you feel bad about losing are the things you have memories of having. It got me thinking...even with something as menial as a can of soda - now that I thought of it, I really want it - now that I realize and remember losing it. Not only that, but I'd like it the way it was when I
left it there...cold, sweating a little because it's brand new out of the fridge. Isn't that the way most things we miss are? Whether it's people, jobs, pets, relationships....We wish we could have them they way they WERE, the way they used to be when we had them?

The truth is that this mentality and reliving memories, not noticing things have changed, can keep us living in the past...always comparing and never really experiencing the present. Don't get me wrong - after losing my father at a young age, I am a huge believer in keeping memories of loved ones alive, but overkill can keep us from moving on.

My cousin Sean visited this weekend and reminiscing about growing up we talked about the fact I've always been so upset with myself for having such a bad memory. I often have people tell me stories of things that happened in my past while growing up - in high school - in college - at work - at events - YESTERDAY...and I have no recollection of them whatsoever! How horrible that they are able to relive more moments in my life than me?!!

Then I realized...wait a second....Maybe I'm lucky!? I have a poor memory and perhaps that allows me to live in the present more than people who have a ridiculously articulate memories? Moving and trying new things, being present and spontaneous all are fun because I simple don't always remember things prior in too much detail, as silly as that sounds. It's always a conscious effort to live in the here and now - but having a bad memory sure helps! To-do lists should be a thing of the past - if you forget, GREAT - you have more time to do other in-the-moment things, right!?

Well, maybe. I do love my to-do lists...