Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The "Key" to Marriage

"Hey Honey, what is the 'Key' to our marriage?" Husband, "WhisKEY"!

OK, so I'm a bit cynical about marriage, I know. Mainly due to the fact that I don't know many people who are happily married. Married, yes, but
happily is the operative word. I do however, know MANY people who are divorced.

WHOA - hold on - don't confuse me with someone who doesn't believe in love or even soul mates. I do. Passionately. I even know a few who I believe are soul mates. And no, I didn't grow up in a loveless household. I was fortunate that even though my parents divorced, they were best friends and always loved each other. I saw nothing but admiration between the two of them.

Truth be told, I'm a hopeless romantic who believes in the stuff movies are made of. Honestly, I guess I've just never been that girl who dreamed of her wedding, the dress or anything....wait, once I did dream of a buffet I saw at a wedding, does that count?

Regardless of my stained-glass view of love and broken-glass view of marriage, I'm fascinated by people who are married and claim to be happy. I'm not all skeptic, I'm curious and hopeful! In fact, I often find myself interviewing couples about how they've made it so long together. Adding to my doubts, often a few years after I've asked them, they divorce. Reasons often stating..."he wasn't who I thought he was", "we grew apart", "I'm not physically attracted to him/her anymore", and the obvious and disgusting reason, infidelity.

Is there hope for a loving monogamous partnership in today's world? Bob thinks so. The other weekend I went to a fundraiser at the Pfister and had a great conversation with Bob and his wife who were celebrating their 40th anniversary. As we Cheer's and toasted, Bob says the reason he believes they've stayed together is because their faith aligned and they lived out that faith together in their lives as a couple. It was obvious there was a deep mutual respect for each other and they have a great sense of humor.

Husband asks his wife, "Sweets, what do you like most about me -my hansome face or my muscular body?" She looked at him from head to toe and replied, "Your sense of Humor."

Bob and his wive "G", were in their 60's - is a committed marriage that lasts for a lifetime a thing of past? In our instant gratification society are people too concerned with their own wants to consider a lifetime of "we"?

I ask you:
What keeps you married? How have you made it as long as you have? Why aren't most marriages lasting these days? Is love a FEELING or a CHOICE? I'd love to know your thoughts...whether you're single, married, or divorced.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Our Greatest Fear..

Few people in the world truly realize the greatness of their purpose. When they do, I believe, it is a glimpse inside of God's intentions. Knowing your talents and facing the truth of your purpose here on earth is profound.

Last weekend, I had a girlfriend visit who is always a motivator in my life. We talked about dreams, goals, love, and family. I've had several moments in my life when I've realized I was scared of my purpose - not knowing what it was or fear of not being able to fulfill it. Nights I laid awake wide-eyed silently conversing through prayer asking if was making the right decisions and taking the right paths to fulfill it.

Through those sleepless nights, being grateful for my blessings and moments looking within my soul I've realized my greatest fear is not that I am inadequate and can’t make a difference in the world, but instead - that I will falter in living out the greatness I know is within me....that I know is within in all of us.

I believe the truth of the words below, which were once used in a Nelson Mandella speech, should guide every individual. However, wouldn't you agree that most people live in fear of dying and having left no legacy, having had no purpose - serving no one and therefore they cripple their talents? Why do we all believe as children we can sing, but as adults quiet our voices only to the occasional shower or drunken karaoke? Do you make the excuse you've just become more intelligent as an adult to "know better" than to believe in yourself like you did when you were little? We often lose sight of our talents because we feel unworthy of showcasing them and begin creating excuses like; "I can't afford it", "I'm not good enough", "I wouldn't know where to start", "I'd give up what I've already worked so hard for", "I'm too old/young"...and the excuses go on.

Start small: Re-reading motivational books have inspired me to write deeper in this blog. Walking through a gift shop seeing local artists paintings motivated me to get out my art supplies and get creative. Hearing my girlfriend talk about a new show she’ll be in, reminded me how much I miss performing in theatre and improv comedy. Judging a local singing contest at Mickey's made me miss singing. I'll be the first to admit I'm not the best there is at any of those above-mentioned talents, but they make me happy doing them. What creative outlet have you denied yourself out of fear or excuses? What do you need to rediscover?
Take the time to RE-realize your Talents...Your Purpose...the reason you get up every Monday morning. I hope this poem will inspire you as much as it did me, enjoy...

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

"It's Windy isn't it?", "No..It's Thursday"

Monday we had the Hearing Loss Association of America on the show and this weekend is also Mother’s Day, so it got me thinking about my mom, Mama O’.

My mother wears two hearing aids, she has since she was 18. I've often talked about how her hearing loss has shaped our mother-daughter relationship on the show. The title of this blog illustrates a funny exchange I’m sure I've had with my mom at some point.
All my life, I've been my mom’s ears in public situations to avoid these mishaps, but every once in a while, she just makes me laugh.

Hearing aids aren't covered by insurance so having grown up without a lot of money, this meant that most of my life the hearing aids my mom used ring constantly, or weren't individualized for her ear.

My mother has the best sense of humor through it all…if you ever joke about her hearing she (without missing a beat) pulls out the ol' “What?”, beating you to the punch line. In fact, my father used to joke that her hearing loss was the reason they had three kids in the first place. My dad would say, “Wanna go to bed or
what?” (wink wink) …and my mother would reply, “What?”. Hence the three of us….

"I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."

I joke, but it’s of course not all comical …someone who suffers from hearing loss has a lot of social stigma’s to overcome. The HLAA educated us today that 31 million Americans have a hearing disorder and 22 million of those could have been prevented yet most people don’t ever get help hearing due to the social stigmas.You should watch the segment with our guest Eloise, who was a great example, saying that she didn't know she had a problem until she had lost 5 jobs and her relationships were strained because she simply could not communicate effectively.

I've seen first-hand how people speak slower to someone who can’t hear because they assume they lack intelligence when really they just can’t hear you! In many cases, if my mom doesn't hear someone speak to her (especially if she cannot see them) they think she’s being rude by not responding and get upset. Don’t even get me started about how angry I am that hearing aids aren't covered by insurance!! These are all reasons education and funding is needed. Diedre Downs, who won Miss America my year, wore a hearing aid and never told anyone. She felt it could hinder her chances of winning if the judges knew and unfairly thought she couldn't “perform” the job. She later began speaking on behalf of hearing foundations, but during our competition, it was a secret she only shared with a few of us due to the stigma’s hearing loss holds.

I could go on forever, however, the point of this entry wasn't to expose my mom’s hearing loss, or ramble…it was actually to point out that no one should be ashamed or embarrassed if they have trouble hearing. Get a hearing test, and if you cannot afford treatment, there are many studies that are free and provide you with hearing aids you can keep.

Watching my mother’s daily struggles has taught me a lot and helped to create the close-knit bond we share. Even though humor is how we deal with my mom’s hearing loss, I’ll say in a moment of all honesty, it’s not easy for her. And I’d be lying if I said I never get frustrated.

Tolerance, education, and a lot of repeating yourself a little bit louder come with living with someone who has hearing problems. I said..REPEATING YOURSELF A LITTLE LOUDER WORKS!

Remember to count your blessings this Mother’s Day. I count Mama O’, as one of my biggest blessings in life. Mom- I figured I should write this next sentence. If I just said it to you over the phone this Mothers day instead of hearing, “Mom, the biggest compliment I've ever received is when people say I remind them of you." You’ll probably ask me, “What? I remind you of glue?”

NO MOM…simply put, all I am, I owe to you. You are my hero. I love you. Happy Mother’s Day. I SAID…HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

And Happy Mother's Day to all of you women who are parents and Grandparents, you are all saints.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Swimming in my Money Pit

What full time staff member would you hire if you won a million dollars a Chef, Nanny, or Housekeeper."

Me - well, first and foremost, I would create a money pit....and then swim in it -Daily -and laugh obnoxiously with a martini in hand.

Second, to answer the question, I would hire a Chef. We'd all be a size 4 if only someone else made us responsible for what we put in our mouth, right? Yeah, I'll keep dreaming --- unfortunately, I often dream of the memorizing smell of deep fry, I can't resist! I'm guilty of adoring all foods bad; cheese, french fries, pizza, buffalo wings, and sauces...OH SAUCES - don't get me started on

dipping! I choose what I eat most often based on what condiment I'm craving.

So what if I eat ranch by the glass? ....Don't
Eating is entertaining to me, not just a way to fuel my body. Since I was little, meals have been bonding time I shared with my mom where our favorite thing to do has been to go to a restaurant for brunch, and stay til dinner. To a fault, I'm a complete buffet girl too - I love to taste appetizers and combos of flavors and textures. I can't just eat my meal, I taste everyone else's too. People who know me, know when my mom and I get together we disappear into a time warp when we enter a restaurant or cook a meal. Therefore, if I had a chef I could control myself I swear! Chef's can trick you into eating healthier and it tastes good.

I'm guessing this choice was a 100% obvious - I don't have kids so the nanny was out, and I enjoy cleaning. When my home is dust-free so is my brain. Don't get me wrong, I'll hire someone to clean the toilet - and the floors - but dusting and organizing I actually enjoy.

All this food talk is making me HUNGRY! So... Who would you hire?