Picture a Stove top..are you always sure to turn each burner off before you cook the next item or do you prepare them simultaneously? Me? Well I've been known to have all burners on at once!! They are a boilin' away JUST in case the first pot of water boils over, or evaporates, or I screw up the recipe...heck I might even leave them on if I decide I'd rather microwave instead of cook today. Please explain you say......well after a conversation I had with one of my best friends she affectionately nicknamed me "The Stove". Why...well, I have what some would call a problem with having too many backup plans for every decision I should be making. Some would say I over analyzing everything to death, others say it's the "want your cake and eat it too" syndrome, or what most believe -it's commitment issues - therefore I always have another option waiting on the back burner.
How many times can I confirm, I have NO commitment issues!! (except to working out..which I've admitted) Unfortunately, what I am, is indecisive - simply because I want to make the right choices. I am overly analytical admittedly, and I want to know all the answers before I commit. The problem is, I'm learning, sometimes you just don't get those answers up front. You just have to take a flying leap of faith.
CRAP - I'm afraid of heights?!...I like balance in my life and most often that balance for me is somewhere between perfect calculation and complete uncertainty... because YES sometimes I'm a walking contradiction. I am extremely decisive when it comes to any situation that doesn't involve me,that's what makes me great in business and at advice. I am also very risky at times when I believe strongly in my feelings..because although I'm overly analytical, I generally get into situations that need analyzing because I act on my emotions. I blame that on the fact that I am a huge believer in fate, in God, in things happening for a reason and also in us being able to create our own destiny. So therefore, why the heck do I not always trust those things? Am I a hypocrite for that?
YIKES?? I pray for clarity every day - I pray for my family and friends...heck sometimes I can't even decide what to pray for ... Even God gets annoyed with me at times because I might not ask just in case "ye shall receive" (just to find out I asked for the wrong thing).
In my defense...isn't it ok to have a backup plan? Circumstances can change at any minute..you can get fired, become broke, get in an accident, fall in love, fall out of love, get betrayed, or simply change your mind about something. Seriously - you wouldn't go skydiving without a parachute would you? That's not considered a leap of faith, it's just plain demented! Therefore, maybe I'm doing it the right way...I'm safe...or maybe dangerous because I'm always ready to jump seeing as I've packed a parachute. AH HA....Maybe I'm the one who's smart...huh...did you ever think of that? YEAH! .......Or Maybe not. Maybe I'm too scared to take a chance for fear it's the wrong choice. Do I live in fear or complete and utter calculated uncertainty?
WEIRD, I CAN'T DECIDE! Am I so well thought out I'm prepared for anything, or simply scared to death to make a wrong decision paralyzing myself from living life to it's fullest? It's time I liberated myself so I'm not a hypocrite. Personally, I believe I don't fear the uncertain, I just crave answers.
So as with any situation - I just need to take a deep breath, step back and re-evaluate why I am the way I am...so I can get those answers. Because until you fully understand yourself, you really shouldn't expect any one else to understand you either!
So my advice to you all today - live with at least a little Calculated Uncertainty and if people don't like it --tell them to go take a flying leap (I guarantee they packed a parachute too!)