Monday, June 30, 2008

Were the Beatles Wrong?

All you need is've heard that before right...sing it with me...Love is all you need. I'm a hopeless romantic...I know I've posted many blogs that would lead you to think otherwise, but really I'm the kind of girl that just wants to wear her boyfriends old sweatshirt because it smells like him. That wants to make eyes across the room and know with just a look that there's no one else. A girl who wants that Titantic-esc moment of artist love with wild abandon. But with my post on prox-intimacy did I spur up another conversation? A conversation I never knew I was brewing until I heard your responses to it?

Possibly because I want nothing more than to be hopelessly magically foolishy in love, I tend to want Love to really be all you need....yet I'm reminded tonight, there's so much more. There's physical attraction, there's the daily stuff and most importantly there's recognizing
HOW you want to be the question is:
Is HOW we show we love someone more important than loving them at all?

How do you love someone correctly? Do they want to be showered with gifts and tokens of affection? Do they want your time? Do they want constant praise? Do they need loads of physical affection? Or do they want you to march down the street waving a flag with their name on it? What makes them feel loved? And what do you do if your styles are different?

I was introduced to this theory a few months ago and I think I'm finally starting to understand it, but the problem with a theory in real life is that there are strings attached.....heartstrings. Once you're involved it's hard to hear that all the things you do for someone aren't enough...when really they probably are, they just aren't the right display for your partner. Suddenly one of you starts to feel inadequate or tries hard to please at the expense of not enjoying it and in the end, you both just feel like
you're not enough..that everything you do is just wrong...and your love...or your WAY of loving, just simply isn't good enough.

I guess someone can be in love with you or fall out of love at any moment for so many reasons....many which you might not feel you have control over, or never realized you should have controlled in the first place. I personally want out-of-control love.....where it simply doesn't make sense yet makes perfect sense and everything isnt' always right or easy, but just works.

Take a moment to think about if you compliment those you care about enough. Are you in a rut of picking out their flaws? For me, the truth is, I find flaws endearing. I think the flaws are what make a relationship interesting....sometimes the things that come between people are unfortunately exactly what drew you to them in the first place. What? You used to love the fact that I"m outgoing and can talk to anyone? And independent? Trying to become successful? It was attractive that I ate pizza remember? And cute that I text if I couldn't call when I'm thinking of you....and want to sleep in together......then WHAMO....suddenly all those cute little quirks become a list of romantic failures.

We've all been there...don't lie. Whatever side you're on at this moment, think if these issues are that big of a deal...if they are so monumental they are worth losing the person you really are head over heels for? Try telling them the ways
You want to be Loved..what makes you feel appreciated. Ok, so what if the problem is you love them but maybe you're not in love... is it because of these differences or because you want something different? Don't try to change someone---If you really do love that someone, then maybe we all need to look at ourselves and recognize that sometimes people aren't perfect, but at the end of the day, if they just stupidly love us anyway..and we can learn to accept their gestures of affection that they ARE good at.....then maybe, just maybe John Lennon had it right.

I'll leave you to decide for yourself with of few of the lyrics ---from the
Beatles "All you need is love"

Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy. All you need is love...
Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy. All you need is love...

All you need is love, love.Love is all you need.All you need is love (All together, now!)All you need is love. (Everybody!)All you need is love, love.Love is all you need (love is all you need).


Anonymous said...

Your writing has years of wisdom in it. I got a lot from this post.

Anonymous said...

Love this post...I couldn't agree with you more :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm sending this to my ex-girlfriend...and are you single? If you have guy issues, I think you sound like my dream girl!

Barb Gehlen said...

Oh Tiff--
You're right absolutely right. We have to be okay with being who we are as we are today--no changes--no fixes necessary! What you are and who you are today is enough. You are an amazing, wonderful, talented, beautiful woman who is way more than enough exactly as you are. xxxooo barb