Re-Gifting

We all know that re-gifting is a bit taboo...you open a present at Christmas and realize it's the same thing you gave to that person a year ago. I've seen it happen, and it's not pretty. So is it ever a good idea?

How about re-gifting your heart? I think for the first time in a long time, I’ve allowed my heart to get broken. I’ve realized it’s been wrapped up in a pretty bow in a turquoise Tiffany's box and re-gifted over and over and over again in my lifetime. However, this time I gave it as a gift and I actually let someone open it!! He took it out and looked at... he Oooh'd and Aaahhh'd and said how much he loved it! Then... he dropped it and broke it.

So, I'm trying to pick up the pieces, glue them together and decide if I can re-gift it? Can you give someone the gift of your heart twice, are they trustworthy? Especially after so long of not letting anyone in on it........or am I doomed that butterfingers will do the same things again?

You help me decide.....

Ignorance causes "Bliss"-ters

So do my new shoes!.... OUCH! I love them, but they do NOT love me. Wow...that seems to be a something I've heard before....so let's begin. Have you ever NOT allowed someone to love you before? Dumb question Tiffany right? You can't help when you love someone. Well, maybe not...what obstacles have you put in the way of people loving you so that you were in control of your own emotions?

What is it about us that prevents us from being everything we were meant to be? Is it fear? Insecurity? A feeling like we don't deserve it? A way to be in control? Or simply ignorance? Ignorant of the fact that you don't realize you weren't allowing yourself to feel or do things things because you simply didn't want to get hurt...be let down.. be alone...so instead you stay in control and don't allow for those things to happen to you. Really what you were doing is hurting yourself, and maybe others, more than if you had just known what you were doing and not been so blind!!

All my talk sometimes makes it seem like I really have everything figured out. But really, who does? So much wisdom, insight you comment...maybe instead it's ignorance? It's supposed to be Bliss isn't it?

How many times in your life have you been hurt so badly you decided you'd never let that happen again? Prob only once I hope.... me, I lost a parent. I"m not special for that, or deserve a round of applause for surviving, but I maybe just recognized since that point in my life, I've never allowed anyone to get close enough to me to allow myself to feel so hurt. Almost 7 years?!!!! Everyone is kept at a certain distance, a controlled distance, one that won't allow them to leave me and me to hurt for long. Are you doing that?

Let's talk about love - directly, not in metaphors as I usually do. I have been told, I don't allow people to fall in love with me....I've retorted...you don't allow yourself to fall in love, you just do. You can't decide when or where or how or with who, it just happens whether you want to be vulnerable or not. Am I wrong? I think there is so much truth to that...at least for me. Yet as I scream into an empty heart about vulnerability, I recognize maybe it's me who's not willing to let go? Not willing to move on so I don't get hurt, take care of myself without having a safety net, or even make a decision firmly for fear it's the wrong one and I'll regret something. How can I expect someone to be vulnerable to me when I am not fully vulnerable myself? I constantly have a backup...a burner on high...a parachute packed...pepto in my purse..and they know it!! Why hasn't anyone told me this before now?!

Ok ok...I'm back to my metaphors...let's go with it, remember my posting on the pop can I left on my car and saw it from my window? Read a year ago below if you don't.... I talk about when you remember you've lost something you want it back..the way it was when you had it. Part of it was I was giving up drinking so much regular pop at the time trying to drink diet pop to be more healthy (baby steps right?). Then WHAMO, I saw it out my window, remembered I had it there and realized when something you had is still in plain sight you can't really let it go..you picture just what it was like when you last had it and you still want it alittle. It takes real strength to move on, and cut yourself off from it. To be honest, I'll always see another can of regular pop, and it will remind me of how much I love Dr. Pepper...but if I've really moved on, it won't make me drool. I'll be able to laugh and smile at the memories I had with it....ah ..me and my "pops".

Holding onto things from the past prevents you from moving on to what is waiting for your future..because there is always a reason you decided you had to move.

I constantly miss my father. I want to be someone who makes him proud, someone who lives in the present and fulfills her purpose..exhausts her talents, and loves with abandon. I don't think he'd be proud I've used him leaving me as an excuse to not love...or even worse, be loved. But after a swift kick in the butt today and a lot of tears and thinking, that's what I know I have to do. I Tiffany Times am not so on track all the time as I sound...I'm just human, haunted by my past experiences, trying not to let them hold me back anymore.

So...I ask: What is holding you back? Did someone hurt you....leave you....you failed yourself.....you don't feel you deserve something....you can't give up control.....you are ignorant? Don't let ignorance be the ghost that haunts you from achieving what you want in any area of your life. Be honest with yourself and realize it..ask someone to give you a swift kick in the ass and buck up! Excuses, Excuses, Now is the time to change!

So, ignorance isn't always Bliss...sometimes it's more painful than if you had realized something in the first place. Don't just put a bandaid on your "Bliss"-ters....let them heal by not wearing the same shoes...it's ok if those shoes didn't fit right, there is another pair out there waiting for you..probably cuter, and calling your name!

Tiffany Times

All you can eat....

Have I mentioned before that I like Buffets?

Just in case you think I'm going all soft and mushy lately I just thought I'd remind my readers, the other night when I went to dinner I tried to just order a filet, and it didnt' work. I couldn't just have 1 item...how boring!! I actually split an appetizer, half my dates meal, half my own and dessert. Sampling...ah - it's the way to live.

Much less complicated than trying to order ONE item and not get the sides or the main course you were hoping for. The beans are always greener on someone else's plate I guess you could say..... but I really LOVE green beans.

Let's be honest, at some point, it's all just gonna come out though isn't it?

Think with your Stomach?

What are you hungry for? Do you have a big appetite? Not for cheese and tacos (mmm)...but for something more-- a dream, a goal, for love. ..

I was talking with someone tonight who gave me a new perspective on some of my feelings. Let's think about my last post - perhaps needing a parachute is a way of protecting myself. It's an excuse for not trusting fate and my instincts. He said, "why wouldn't you live for the rush?" He went on to say, "if you give attention to a backup plan you aren't able to give 100% focus to the what's happening in the now. If you spend time thinking about what you might need incase your plans don't work you could miss what's going on in front of you."

So he suggested I think with my stomach...he has stomach problems and most foods upset him painfully. So he has a choice. He could always protect himself and never taste new foods for fear of regretting eating it because there is a possiblity it will hurt him OR better yet, there is the possibility it could be the best thing he's ever had, a new favorite food that actually is healing! Honestly, he won't know unless he tries it...usually based on a "gut" instinct. (I crack me up...)

He outright said, "Yes Tiffany, there are times I've been so sure of eating a new food and I went for it 100% and what happened actually was the most embarrassing moment ever because I was wrong- it was a really bad decision. Yet the best is when I taste something new and realize it's amazing...and I never would have known if I lived my life protecting myself from potential pain."

I learned something from this and thought it was worth posting because maybe you will too. Two very different perspectives and risk factors. Brand your own approach - send me your analogy...am I making you hungry yet?

I know my appetite is stronger than ever.....um..question though -
Is it cheating if I keep Pepto in my purse? .....I guess old habits die hard.

Insatiable,
Tiffany

Calculated Uncertainty..Or just a StoveTop?

Picture a Stove top..are you always sure to turn each burner off before you cook the next item or do you prepare them simultaneously? Me? Well I've been known to have all burners on at once!! They are a boilin' away JUST in case the first pot of water boils over, or evaporates, or I screw up the recipe...heck I might even leave them on if I decide I'd rather microwave instead of cook today. Please explain you say......well after a conversation I had with one of my best friends she affectionately nicknamed me "The Stove". Why...well, I have what some would call a problem with having too many backup plans for every decision I should be making. Some would say I over analyzing everything to death, others say it's the "want your cake and eat it too" syndrome, or what most believe -it's commitment issues - therefore I always have another option waiting on the back burner.

How many times can I confirm, I have NO commitment issues!! (except to working out..which I've admitted) Unfortunately, what I am, is indecisive - simply because I want to make the right choices. I am overly analytical admittedly, and I want to know all the answers before I commit. The problem is, I'm learning, sometimes you just don't get those answers up front. You just have to take a flying leap of faith.

CRAP - I'm afraid of heights?!...I like balance in my life and most often that balance for me is somewhere between perfect calculation and complete uncertainty... because YES sometimes I'm a walking contradiction. I am extremely decisive when it comes to any situation that doesn't involve me,that's what makes me great in business and at advice. I am also very risky at times when I believe strongly in my feelings..because although I'm overly analytical, I generally get into situations that need analyzing because I act on my emotions. I blame that on the fact that I am a huge believer in fate, in God, in things happening for a reason and also in us being able to create our own destiny. So therefore, why the heck do I not always trust those things? Am I a hypocrite for that?

YIKES?? I pray for clarity every day - I pray for my family and friends...heck sometimes I can't even decide what to pray for ... Even God gets annoyed with me at times because I might not ask just in case "ye shall receive" (just to find out I asked for the wrong thing).

In my defense...isn't it ok to have a backup plan? Circumstances can change at any minute..you can get fired, become broke, get in an accident, fall in love, fall out of love, get betrayed, or simply change your mind about something. Seriously - you wouldn't go skydiving without a parachute would you? That's not considered a leap of faith, it's just plain demented! Therefore, maybe I'm doing it the right way...I'm safe...or maybe dangerous because I'm always ready to jump seeing as I've packed a parachute. AH HA....Maybe I'm the one who's smart...huh...did you ever think of that? YEAH! .......Or Maybe not. Maybe I'm too scared to take a chance for fear it's the wrong choice. Do I live in fear or complete and utter calculated uncertainty?

WEIRD, I CAN'T DECIDE! Am I so well thought out I'm prepared for anything, or simply scared to death to make a wrong decision paralyzing myself from living life to it's fullest? It's time I liberated myself so I'm not a hypocrite. Personally, I believe I don't fear the uncertain, I just crave answers.
So as with any situation - I just need to take a deep breath, step back and re-evaluate why I am the way I am...so I can get those answers. Because until you fully understand yourself, you really shouldn't expect any one else to understand you either!

So my advice to you all today - live with at least a little Calculated Uncertainty and if people don't like it --tell them to go take a flying leap (I guarantee they packed a parachute too!)

Were the Beatles Wrong?

All you need is love....you've heard that before right...sing it with me...Love is all you need. I'm a hopeless romantic...I know I've posted many blogs that would lead you to think otherwise, but really I'm the kind of girl that just wants to wear her boyfriends old sweatshirt because it smells like him. That wants to make eyes across the room and know with just a look that there's no one else. A girl who wants that Titantic-esc moment of artist love with wild abandon. But with my post on prox-intimacy did I spur up another conversation? A conversation I never knew I was brewing until I heard your responses to it?

Possibly because I want nothing more than to be hopelessly magically foolishy in love, I tend to want Love to really be all you need....yet I'm reminded tonight, there's so much more. There's physical attraction, there's the daily stuff and most importantly there's recognizing HOW you want to be loved......so the question is:
Is HOW we show we love someone more important than loving them at all?

How do you love someone correctly? Do they want to be showered with gifts and tokens of affection? Do they want your time? Do they want constant praise? Do they need loads of physical affection? Or do they want you to march down the street waving a flag with their name on it? What makes them feel loved? And what do you do if your styles are different?

I was introduced to this theory a few months ago and I think I'm finally starting to understand it, but the problem with a theory in real life is that there are strings attached.....heartstrings. Once you're involved it's hard to hear that all the things you do for someone aren't enough...when really they probably are, they just aren't the right display for your partner. Suddenly one of you starts to feel inadequate or tries hard to please at the expense of not enjoying it and in the end, you both just feel like you're not enough..that everything you do is just wrong...and your love...or your WAY of loving, just simply isn't good enough.

I guess someone can be in love with you or fall out of love at any moment for so many reasons....many which you might not feel you have control over, or never realized you should have controlled in the first place. I personally want out-of-control love.....where it simply doesn't make sense yet makes perfect sense and everything isnt' always right or easy, but just works.

Take a moment to think about if you compliment those you care about enough. Are you in a rut of picking out their flaws? For me, the truth is, I find flaws endearing. I think the flaws are what make a relationship interesting....sometimes the things that come between people are unfortunately exactly what drew you to them in the first place. What? You used to love the fact that I"m outgoing and can talk to anyone? And independent? Trying to become successful? It was attractive that I ate pizza remember? And cute that I text if I couldn't call when I'm thinking of you....and want to sleep in together......then WHAMO....suddenly all those cute little quirks become a list of romantic failures.

We've all been there...don't lie. Whatever side you're on at this moment, think if these issues are that big of a deal...if they are so monumental they are worth losing the person you really are head over heels for? Try telling them the ways You want to be Loved..what makes you feel appreciated. Ok, so what if the problem is you love them but maybe you're not in love... is it because of these differences or because you want something different? Don't try to change someone---If you really do love that someone, then maybe we all need to look at ourselves and recognize that sometimes people aren't perfect, but at the end of the day, if they just stupidly love us anyway..and we can learn to accept their gestures of affection that they ARE good at.....then maybe, just maybe John Lennon had it right.

I'll leave you to decide for yourself with of few of the lyrics ---from the Beatles "All you need is love"

Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy. All you need is love...
Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy. All you need is love...

All you need is love, love.Love is all you need.All you need is love (All together, now!)All you need is love. (Everybody!)All you need is love, love.Love is all you need (love is all you need).

Prox-intimacy

Anything can come between two people..... beliefs, arguments, interests, lack of intimacy, work, goals, money, children, or simply distance. I was told a quote once that said the worst hell for a human is "proximity without intimacy". It's being with someone without physically feeling the connection...and I think thats true for any of those things on my list.

Have you ever been close to someone and felt like your beliefs, politicially or personally are opposite? Or maybe you love different activities and can't seem to enjoy doing things together because someone is constantly compromising. Worlds worst, you are together but have no physical touch or tender moments....maybe work keeps you away, your goals are opposite or children take all your energy and attention. Maybe it's what I'm contemplating.....the miles between you are daunting.

I've thought about this phenomenon a lot lately....and the fact that so many people I know live a life without intimacy in their relationships in one or more of those areas, yet feel crippled to make changes for the better. So the question is, how do we get the courage to ask for more, or recognize we were mentally telling ourselves we lived on a cute little culdasac, when really our heart knew it was nothing more than a fancy name for a dead end?

Prox-intimacy I'm going to call it.....what does it take to survive a friendship or relationship that prohibits you from feeling connected in some awful way? Because to be honest, sometimes it's not a flaw, it's a circumstance....

Perhaps right now you are the one who's moving, or traveling, or working, or uninterested, or focused on other priorities.....either side of it, we've all been witness to moments where someone cuts us off. At it's worst it's verbally not speaking to us, physically cannot look us in the eye, or simply refuses to feel our touch. I don't think any human deserves that....heck, or animal for that matter! I have chosen in my life to change my relationships...be honest about my wants and flaws and needs. I've learned you cannot get what you want unless you decide for yourself to get it, or ask for it from those you love. I used to believe I could hint to people and they would respond....I'm a very talented persuader if I do say so myself. Having a psychology background, I often times would use reverse psychology to coax others to do what I needed without ever having to directly ask. Was a it a great talent...yes. Was it fulfilling....absolutely not. Through my experiences I've learned that asking is a much better policy...most often those who are worth your time will reciprocate and go above and beyond what you ask for.

So my message today....Don't settle for a friend, spouse, lover, or co-worker who isn't willing to work at your relationship. Allowing yourself to feel like you're shut off from another person emotionally isn't fair to you, or if you've shut off from another person, don't string them along... be honest about how you're feeling or take time to figure out what's at the root of your behavior. Sometimes making the decision to move on if you don't feel good about yourself or connected intimately with that person is ok....even if on paper, they looked like a perfect match to your needs.

Prox-intimacy.....the need for proximity WITH intimacy.....simply put, don't settle for less.

Re-Resolving for 2008

So what, I say! So what -if I ate Don Pablos, Chiptole, McDonalds, easy cheese (yes from a can), and drank pop all week. I have 12 months right? Oh, did I make a resolution against all that? Crap. I'm doomed.

Ok ok ok ...so you fore go your New Year's resolutions...you realize it's only the 13th of January and think basically you're doomed to another year of being unable to commit to changing all the things you don't like about yourself. I say -who cares if eating all organic, doing 1900 situps a day, not eating after 8pm, jobsearching for the next best thing, and not being late anymore haven't been so successful in 2008 . Don't beat yourself up! It's all about 1 day at a time..... and better yet, stop making resolutions of things to CUT and start making resolutions of things to ADD to your life for 2008....1 day at a time.

Yes, now is the day to Re-Resolve who you're going to be this year. Forget your fairweather plans of going to the gym 9 days a week, cutting out pop completely, never tasting the goodness of sour cream again, or giving up cheesecake.......not only is it unrealistic, it's impossible!

Instead
ADD lunges in when you walk to your mailbox.
ADD one extra glass of water a day.
ADD a compliment to someone in your life.
ADD a vision board of your goals to your office or home.
ADD one volunteer hour a month.
ADD a better breakfast to your day.
ADD a timer to your phone at 3pm everyday to remind you to be thankful for your blessings, pray, or meditate.

ADD what is realistic for you 1 day at a time.

Sounds pretty revolutionary huh? I'm sure the Therapist I'll have to ADD in this year will think so. ha!

Cheers and good night,

Tiffany

I pledge allegiance...and I always sample the soup first!

Some days I get really sick of people trying to "own" me..making me choose just them. Do you ever feel like everyone wants a piece of you, but not because they genuinely care? Many people care, don't get me wrong, but it seems to be all about our societal need to HAVE something -OWN it for ourselves. And everyone wants to HAVE people too...they all want our indivisible allegiance..to choose them over all other choices. This is true in business, life, and relationships...and all I want is to sample the soup first.

Let' me explain...

For starters..I'm not subliminally talking about romance here people -I'm blantantly referring to a multitude of topics with this post-possibly romance, but more importantly the instance that inspired me to blog about this topic today within business. Of course I believe you need reliability in your life and should be loyal to your choices - but why the need to make only ONE thing the object of your loyalty?

Here's a thought - I don't think human nature lends itself to doing one thing over an over forever. I mean, who came up with this idea? Whoever said Variety is the spice of life, is my hero. This topic is as simple as my cat...funny you say, "of course she has a cat"...yes, I have a cat...and I think about if I had to eat the same damn food everyday like he does -BORING !! I'd kick up my kitty dish and drag litter all over the house on my paws in Protest!

So...Let's consider the human brain for a minute...if you do the same things over and over the human brain stops responding the same...therefore to re-stimulate yourself you either have to take up a disorder like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) to get excited about repeated activities OR do something different to re-experience the mundane in a new way.

Think about putting on your clothes. I'm sure you put the same arm into your jacket every time..or the same leg into your jeans first as dressing -listen to the phone on the same ear -or brush your teeth with the same hand. TRY THIS: dress first with a different arm or leg - try writing with your other hand - kiss someone new -even parting your hair on the other side. You automatically pay attention and feel what you're doing again- don't you? That's because you're brain has been conditioned feel the same thing over and over and actual stop responding and now that you're changing it your synapses go CRAZY with excitement and you finally THINK about what you're doing again...

I know you're thinking, "Tiffany, you have commitment issues"!

Huh? Commitment issues? Yes, I've been told that before. To be honest, I don't buy it. I think I'm one of the most committed people you'll ever meet. (Except maybe to working out) But I am committed to Goals, friends, companies, and to those I love.

I am extremely loyal and committed, but I am however, overly analytical which thus leads to me seeming indecisive and uncommittal. NO I'M NOT, yes I am..no I'm not, yes, no,yes.....uh........YES - With this traits of being overly analytical and sometimes indecisive comes my belief of "I can have it all! I don't have to choose one thing, I'd like a little bit of everything, why not experience as much as I can." Right?

I know, I know, so where does the soup come in? I'm one of those people who are awful to order with in a restaurant, really, I just don't think things need to be black and white - this or that - choose as is. I want to taste the soup first, make sure it's the way I like it and I might even see if I can substitute buffalo chicken for plain in the wrap...OH WAIT..waiter...can I switch that to onion rings? I'm convinced that Sample Day at Grocery stores, appetizers, buffets and Tapas restaurants were created for people like me!

Therefore, my question is this... how can we truly be expected to pledge allegiance to any ONE thing over and over, day after day and not get bored? We need to sample -We're creatures of variety, our very brain is wired that way!

With that, I've decided I like my life of daily choices ... I like going to different places everyday, not sitting at the same desk (Or any desk for that matter), challenged with new projects and tasks, different cultures (corporate and human) and motivated by new experiences and people..

IN closing, this all isn't to say I don't like consistency, loyalty, or people I can rely on in life and in love. We need that in our lives too -especially in Love. But for me, I've realized I simply like to be someplace new, meeting new people, talking about different topics, trying new food, kissing people when I meet them (like Italians, not naughty), and simply believing it's ok to be a little indecisive if it lets you experience more options.

SO - I Pledge Allegiance to be loyal to EACH ONE of my choices, or guess what.... clearly I wouldn't have been able to decide on choosing it in the first place!

And finally - to all of you out there who think it's all about choosing ONE thing to fit the norm...
MORAL OF THIS STORY IS:...I suggest you sample the soup first, then I don't have to listen to you complain when you don't like it's "consistency".

Now, what do I want for dinner? ...I guess I'll try the soup,

Tiffany

A "Story" with the lesson of Mediocrity

I was able to shadow and work with a very talented photojournalist the other day doing a story on a very talented ventriloquist and guitarist. As I was taking notes and following the process of getting a story of someone to come to life...I thought of the questions he asked his interviewee and the lessons he was teaching me quietly while doing his job.

Some of those statements have stayed with me as not only questions to get a great interview for a story - but also questions and thoughts we should ask ourselves and to put into perspective how blessed we are or if we're on the right path.

If you have forgotten your purpose or goals in life, many of these questions and "deep thought" statements will remind you.....try answering them for yourself and thinking about if you live your life this way everyday....

- Tell me a time when you received a standing ovation?
- I'm here today to help you look your best.
- When you were a little kid - what did you tell your teachers you wanted to be?
- Is what you do original?
- Is there a message you hope to leave people with?
- What has been one of your most rewarding conversations...has someone told you ever "because of you I didn't commit suicide" or "you've changed my life because..."
- Have you ever let a dummy make you look bad?
- What are your goals?
- What don't I know about you that I should?

AND THE STATEMENT OF THE DAY
"If you settle for mediocrity in little things, you'll settle for mediocrity in the big things" - John Gross, Photojournalist

Tifftionary Meaning: Mediocrity - knowing you haven't exhausted your talents. The belief you're capable of doing more and you haven't done it. Not serving yourself or others to your fullest potential.

So I have to say thank you to John for not only teaching me more about how to create a story that is news worthy - but one that is also truthful, interesting, beautiful and inspirational.

Tiffany

Balcony Girl

I heart Balconies.

I think they are my cityscape equivalent to the country or college house porch. Sit out there, have a beer, maybe paint, read a book, spy on the people below. Oh, how fun that sounds. But in this world of luxury apartments is it too much to ask for an affordable apartment with a balcony? Apparently so.

That's really all I have to say about that today.

Hour Glass Fingers

I am generally a very positive and motivated person. I truly believe in purpose, I believe in God, and I believe in the goodness of people paying it forward.

But there are days....days when everything I thought I knew I've watched slip through my hands right in front of my own eyes. I'm going to call it a moment of having Hour Glass Fingers. Once we tip over the glass and it's set in motion all we can do is watch it slip through time and feel the hopelessness of seeing it disappear before you can hardly get a look at each grain of sand.

Recently this happened to me. I was feeling so confident and so "on Purpose". I stared what I thought was going to be the greatest moment of my life directly in the face...one I felt could change my life forever. I took a deep breath ....and with my head high and shoulders back, I gave it all I had believing wholeheartedly in it. I smiled as I looked it square in the face.....then....Smack...think again....it back-handed me across the cheek.

The sand started spilling everywhere and as I desperately tried to grab what had fallen and sift it into the mix still on top I found myself grasping at the silent air of an ended opportunity. A passing moment in the the diary of my life with a lifeless pile of sand on the floor. I just sat and stared at it. I stared at it for 8 days. Really...Eight L--o---n---g days. I didn't know what else to do. It was this beautiful mess of my dreams spilled on the floor and all I could was stare at it and cry, completely hopeless for 8 ridiculous days.

So now what? Do I sweep it up? Did I just waste 8 whole days sulking? No...they weren't wasted. I needed to just feel the loss this time. So often I, like so many of us, like to just sweep the sand under the kitchen rug and pretend it didn't spill in the first place and move on...marching forward with a fractured smile. When in reality the damn sand is still under the rug isn't it? Imagine how that builds up over time, sweeping and moving on, sweeping and moving on...then it probably festers with ants. I've had ants before and it's absolutely no fun!

So, staring at it this time, seeing each grain of my dream lifeless on the floor gave me the time to feel what it meant to me. I realized that taking risks and committing to a goal means: realizing it's ok to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is inherent in admitting you want something and the belief that it was worth working toward, even if it means risking the pain of losing it before you know it's success.

So...after 192 hours, yes 8 tumultuous days of complete and utter self-pity, I scooped it up and saved it. I knew it wouldn't serve me to keep it under the rug and why throw it away when I wanted it so badly? Ultimately, I kept it because I was grateful it brought me to this place of realization of what I really wanted. I was grateful it made achieving that dream so much sweeter when it finally happens and it's made me that much more determined and full of perseverance to get there.

In conclusion, I had to sweep up the sand and get it off of the floor because I know I'm going to need a clean floor to DANCE on when my victory song is finally played. Oh how sweet that dance will be!

Would you like a tissue? You have a blogger.

I've often said I feel like life is one big cartoon (Garfield perhaps)? Where I look at people, yes and animals, and see the bubble over them that says what they are really thinking. It's quite funny - I tend to see comedy in most everything.

For example - this blog. Isn't it funny that we all seem to become a columnist when we get a blog...like people are really reading it. I don't kid myself that people are too interested in reading random blogs. So why do we do it? For ourselves? Hmmm...maybe it's an online journal? No...not personal enough. Just enough of our thoughts that we're willing to let the rest of the world read...

Yes, for me....I've decided that a blog allows me to say the things I want to tell the random person sitting next to me because they would just maybe listen. But truth be told, you usually don't tell that random person, because they may just tell you to get lost if you're not paying them to listen. I guess that's what psychologists are for. I knew I should have used that psychology degree...

I'll stick with a blog for now.....

Very Impressive Person

He Greets everyone with a smile
And a hardy handshake;
And makes you feel he means it
When he says he's glad to meet you
And he makes you glad you met him.

He walks with a sprightly step
And Speaks with a laugh in his voice
He listens with interest
And speaks with conviction,
And makes you feel you've known him all of your life.

He doesn't seem to try to impress,
Yet he's most impressive.
He never tries pressing to persuade,
Yet you always come away convinced.
He's the kind of guy we enjoy being around
Because he is what we all secretly would like to be-
Someone who enjoys being himself.


-Coach Meyer / Northern U Basketball

BLOGGER... Excuse you

Wow---I've joined the 21st century - I have a blog! This is a place to speak my mind on issues, events, and happenings in my life that are changing who I am every day I exist.

A little about me:

I above all things believe in God. I know my life has a purpose and I live with those intentions every day. I am always open to changes and forks in my plans as I know I am not always in charge. I do however think we can determine much of our future by our energy and our thoughts. I know everyone and their mother has read the book, "The Secret" by now, but I believe we are creators of our own universe in so many ways and that with God's free will we are creating things we believe into existence everyday. I've seen this first hand in my own life and continue to believe in these gifts we've been given on earth.

I love orange juice--and cheese. Havarti is probably my favorite cheese in the universe. mmm.

I do comedy - I act - I volunteer - I have a cat and I love my family.

Tune in for thoughts and updates as life unfolds.

Cheers!

Tiff