The Evolution of Self

Today we talked about Reinventing yourself on The Blend as well as the 'Midlife Woman' - who's supposedly no longer in crisis, just in a period of reinvention.

We had 3 very different approaches to reinvention from 3 very deep and self-aware authors. The first one Barbara Singer, talked about how she was forced into reinvention after a series of tragedies per say and thus wrote a do-it-yourself guide to "Eat, Pray, Love". Carole Barrowman - believes, she's constantly evolving and learning, so reinvention has never been an issue because she's never been stagnant. She surrounds herself as a teacher with inspiring people who are seeking to reinvent themselves through literature at Alverno. And Bob Pothier, after losing a job when his company was acquired spent a month in an Ashram learning about reinvention while his family supported the idea of his journey at home. From that, he created The Hapacus Project.

Here are the videos from today: Part 1, Part 2.

Three stories, three impressive people. However, you don't have to be impressive to reinvent. Me personally, I've refocused many times in my life, however, "reinvention" has not occurred. These moments in life, have made me evolve...

-Growing up in a small town, single parent family with low income, I learned early not to rely on "things" to define who I am.
-My father passing away in College...watching a parent die or loved one die, changes you forever.
-Winning Miss Minnesota and competing at Miss America - after that year's experiences as well as speaking about children's safety and telling my story, my life had changed tremendously. I felt like the world and my friends had stayed the same.
-Leaving a corporate job I hated to speak for a non-profit and pursue my love of acting and speaking. If that had not happened, in no way would I be where I am today, but at the time, I had no clue where my rent would come from.
-Moving to Wisconsin. Leaving family and friends I've learned living somewhere new forces you to decide what's important to you and in life. You have to work hard to get involved in events/non-profits/communities - it's not the same as it was when you were young and you'd just meet people at bars or at work the same way. People have their own lives and own friends/families, and honestly, a girl alone at a bar just looks like you have issues!

With those experiences, and many more -I tend to side with Carole Barrowman. I've had a lot of experiences in my life, and they have always made me refocus, but I've always felt I've been in a constant state of "INVENTION". I haven't been married, and I do not have kids, therefore, partly for me, I've never been in a place where I felt I was living my life for other people and not allowed to do something for myself. I believe strongly in giving to causes and people in need, but my life up until this point, been lived in search of creating who I am, so a constant flux of INVENTION, is where I live.

Correct me if I"m wrong, but most people I know who have the signature "midlife crisis", or reinvention - tend to have kids and have been or are married. It seems like people change so much through their 20's which is the typical time to get married, often times they weren't finished finding out who they are as an individual before becoming "one" with someone else? I'm a big advocate of women living alone before they get married for at least a year as well as waiting for marriage. Clearly those are not the ONLY reasons for reinvention, often times it's weight loss, personal illness, tragedy, or general unhappiness.. ...

Whatever the reason, I think living in a constant state of INVENTION whether you are single or married, with or without kids is important for all of us.

To do that, our guests suggested asking yourself these questions:
-what do I love?
-If I could do anything, what would it be?
-Who do I want to be around?
-Start a "NEW ME" diary and fill it with goals, heros, and positives about who you want to become.
-Choose goals that fill intrinsic needs (those based on psychological needs NOT external ones such as finances or social status)

On top of that I recommend you decide a few things for yourself:
-What doesn't FEEL like work to you? Find a way to make THAT your job.
1)Write down your talents (organizing, speaking, inspiring, accounting, art,, customer service)
2)Write down who you love working with (age/environment etc)
3)Write down how you desire to give back (make a company more profitable, help others feel better about themselves, build homes for needy, make people laugh, feed the hungry, educate our youth)

Now... find a way to connect all those things.
-Persistence beats resistance always - don't give up!

Where passion meets purpose, their lies your vocation - NOW CONTINUE INVENTING! Be Creative - and have fun - there is no reason you cannot be the person and do the things you always dreamed of!

My favorite book for inspiration: "Chasing Daylight" -Erwin McManus

Tiff